Naruto Uzumaki: The Orange Flash
by Breath of the Wiz
Summary: Naruto returns from his training, with even more resolve to fulfill his promise to Sakura. Now, if the women of konoha didn't want to rip his clothes off and have their way with him, he'd have a lot more headway on said promise… Sort of a Harem. Naru/Everybody: lotsa drama, action, and laughs.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is to be a retelling of Shippuden. In this version, Naruto's relationship with Haku (who is female in this story and should have been everywhere else) is a large part of what drives him toward the path of Hokage. This WILL be a harem story, but the whole multiple wives thing is a bitch to write, especially since everyone is going to be in character in this story (I don't think any of the female cast would be open to sharing). Without further adieu...

* * *

The sun was high in the sky as two figures broke the horizon of Konoha. One of them was instantly recognizable via his wild mane of stark white hair, the Sannin Jiraiya. The other… not so much. He stood at exactly 5'9", a head shorter than the sannin. The sunlight highlighted his most distinguishing feature, a spiky blond mane of hair, done similarly in style to the sannin, ponytail and all.

He wore his Konoha flak jacket open, and underneath, he had an orange long sleeved shirt, the right sleeve was covered in armor plates while the left one appeared to be covered in seals of some sort. On his right shoulder plate, he bore a spiral insignia with the Kyuubi on it. His forearms were protected by black and orange armor plates akin to the ones ANBU utilizes, and with them, he wore black fingerless gloves. Around his waist, he wore a very distinct ninjato. Its blade was orange, and the crossguard appeared to be a fox head, the blade sprouting from the roaring mouth. The blade was rather long, and another interesting detail lie in the fact that it's handle was about twice as long as as most katana even. He wore black ninja pants with orange cloth tied around his ankles, and his look was completed with a long black forehead protector, and a green crystal necklace.

"Oi, Ero Sannin."

"What, gaki."

"You go on ahead to Baa-Chan's office. I'll catch up in a half hour."

"She's gonna rip my arms off and beat you with them if your late. We were supposed to be back six months ago."

"Hey, that was a credible lead on Sasuke's location dattebayo! Besides, all you did was blow your cash at a whore house the whole damn time!"

Jiraiya's nose began to bleed. "Heheheh. Cash wasn't the only thing being blown at that establishment."

The young man turned toward Jiraiya, disgusted. "You're just as pathetic as the harlots that work there."

Jiraiya glared at the young man before him.

"I'll have you know that Miko-chan was a very elegant woman that saw me for the great man that I am!"

"Yea sure! Just as long as you kept those bills flowing! You could buy our entire army brand new gear for the cash you wasted on her."

"Just run your errand, Naruto."

Jiraiya exhaled and used a shunshin to go to Tsunade's office.

"Heh. Ero Sannin called me by name."

Naruto cracked his neck and walked over the hill to the main gate. His toothy smile made itself visible when he saw who was guarding the gate. Izumo was currently trying to wake Kotetsu from a cat nap. Naruto jogged up to the two chuunin.

"Hey! Do you guys remember me?"

Izumo turned to Naruto and scratched his head. "I don't think we've met sir."

Naruto's smile switched to disappointment, he thought for a second and . "The chuunin exams ring any bells?"

Kotetsu suddenly snapped awake and looked directly at Naruto. "Yea, you're that orange kid! … Puberty hit you like a train." Izumo whirled around and stared at Naruto, who stared back.

"Naruto?"

The jinchuuriki gave a thumbs up and smirked. "In the flesh! Dattebayo!" Kotetsu plopped back down under the tree and mused to himself. "I forgot how annoying that was. Tsunade-sama said to go see her as soon as you got back." Izumo looked at Kotetsu with an exasperated expression and retorted. "Oh, so now you actually do your job… DID YOU GO TO SLEEP AGAIN ALREADY?!"

Naruto looked at Izumo trying to wake Kotetsu up, bored, He dug in his ear and went on his way toward Main Street. As he walked through the streets, deep in thought, he failed to notice the attention he was garnering from the general populace.

"He looks like the…"

"Is that the demon brat?"

"I though the Yondaime was dead!"

"Oh my god. That guy is so hot!"

Naruto's ears twitched at that last one and he stopped and looked around. Unable to find this "hot guy", Naruto awkwardly walked through the awestruck boulevard, everything having paused to gawk at him. Naruto nervously chuckled and scratched the back of his head; he gave a smile and jumped to the nearest rooftop to go run his errand.

* * *

Ino was bored, when I say bored; I mean watching paint dry would look like the fucking 3rd Shinobi World War. Inoichi forced her to run the flower shop for the day since he was on a mission, and Ino's mother, well, she was "out", whatever that meant. Having sat there for five hours, Ino was about to bash her skull in with a flowerpot, but then the bell on the door jingled as an unseen customer walked in. Ino straightened up as the footsteps drew near the shelf blocking the register.

Ino straightened her apron and wiped the look of disgust off her face.

"Welcome to Yamanaka Arrangements, are you looking for anything in particula-…"

The flowerpot shattered on the floor.

"Uh… Hey Ino, It's nice to see you again. Look, I know we're not exactly on the best terms, but I need your help."

He was gorgeous. Gorgeous enough to leave Ino, the village ice-queen, tongue-tied like a groupie. Ino's mind was drifting toward impure fantasies involving this orange-clad prettyboy… orange… whisker marks…

"NARUTO?!"

Naruto cocked his head to the side and beamed.

"That was quicker than usual! I haven't changed that much have I?"

"Uhm. Uh… anyway! Was there something you needed me for, Naruto?"

"Oh yeah! I need some flowers for someone!"

Ino put a hand on her hip and looked at Naruto inquisitively. "What's she like?"

* * *

Flashback no Justu!

Naruto ran up the tree for the umpteenth time, only to land firmly on his ass... again. "Dammit! Why's this so much easier for everyone else?" Naruto sprinted toward the tree and punched it, his fist embedded itself firmly in the bark, and the whole tree shuddered as countless fruits Naruto had never seen before all began to fall to the ground. He looked up to further examine the tree he was training on, but apparently that wasn't in the card for him, because he was promptly knocked out by a fruit that landed on his face.

'Why am i so comfortable? Last thing I remember is getting hit in the face by one of those damn fruits.' Naruto's eyes opened to one of the most beautiful faces he'd ever seen, second to Sakura-chan of course. His head was propped up on the girl's knees and he could feel her treating the bruises and cuts on his face and body.

"You're awake. I'm glad."

Naruto smiled, or what would pass for a smile, given the amount of pain he was in. He tried to sit up, but this beautiful girl stopped him.

"Don't move yet, I'm almost done."

Naruto didn't complain and stared up at her face as she treated his cuts and bruises. She noticed and looked down at him and smiled.

"Might I ask your name?"

"Naruto... Naruto Uzumaki."

"Uzumaki? I've heard of that clan before. What's it like?"

"Actually, I never knew there was a clan. I'm an orphan as far as I know."

"... So am I."

"Well, what's your name, sis? I gotta call you something."

"It's Haku."

Flashback no Jutsu, Kai!

* * *

"I... haven't seen her for a long time, but she was gentle, kind, and without her, I wouldn't be where I am today." Naruto looked toward the ceiling nostalgically, Ino could have sworn his eyes went watery for a second. She put two and two together and pointed toward a bouquet of lavender and black flowers that are commonly put on the graves of loved ones.

"I'd ask more, but I don't want to stir up any bad memories. I'd suggest those over there, that'll be 500 ryo, Naruto."

"But the price tag says 1000."

"Consider it a favor toward us starting over, as friends this time around." Ino smiled at him warmly.

"Ya know. You're alright, Ino. Thanks!"

Naruto flipped the coin to Ino and walked out the door. She smirked at him and licked her lips as she watched him leave. "I know what I want for christmas now."

* * *

~ Breath of the Wiz


	2. Chapter 2

AN: As of right now, I'm not sure who exactly is supposed to be part of the harem. As of right now, the shoe-ins are Sakura, Hinata, and Ino. I don't want to be cliché however (there's enough of that on this site already.) I'm considering adding in Shion from the first shippuden movie in. Also, I'll probably write an original character for the harem at some point, for now, let's get this chapter rolling.

* * *

Naruto walked with his bouquet through the streets of Konoha, disgusted glares and lustful stares aside, he felt isolated, alone. Sure, he had friends, people to protect, but even then, he had no one that could love him on a deeper level. Naruto arrived at the door to his apartment building; he took the elevator to the top floor, and walked down the grimy old hallway. There it was. He stared at his door for a few seconds before funneling some of his chakra into the doorknob. The door opened and Naruto stepped in, it was the polar opposite of the hallways outside. It was immaculate.

Before he left, Ero Sannin forced Naruto to clean the place 'till it was completely spotless. In retrospect, Naruto was thankful for it, coming home to a mess after a long absence wasn't exactly pleasing. As he walked into his bedroom, he set the bouquet on his bed and pumped chakra into one of the seals on his sleeve. Out poofed a yellow and black three pronged kunai that Jiraiya gave him months earlier. Naruto stuck it in the floor in front of his bed and picked up his bouquet.

Bending down on one knee, he put his finger through the ring and disappeared in a yellow flash.

He reappeared in Kirigakure on a hill overlooking the Great Naruto Bridge. Naruto smiled weakly at the bridge, as it brought bittersweet memories to his mind. He turned around, and there they were, the graves of Haku and Zabuza. Naruto solemnly walked over to Haku's marker and replaced the withered flowers with the new ones Ino gave him.

"Hey Haku. I finally finished my training trip with Ero Sannin. I'm surprised he took it so seriously. I still learned a lot even though he'd always ditch me to go skirt chasing. I'd stay and talk, but I only have 20 minutes 'till Baa-chan hunts me down and kicks my ass. I'll be back later. Love you, Haku."

With that, Naruto walked over to the knife embedded in the ground and placed his finger through the loop, in a yellow flash, he was back in his apartment. Naruto mused to himself, impressed.

"I still can't believe the Yondaime could use this technique in the middle of a fight." Naruto removed his finger from the loop and stripped off his rather musty clothes. He took a short shower and and walked over to his closet and opened it… but he hadn't bought any clothes while he was training with Jiraiya, he only carried two outfits on him at any given time during the trip. He was about to punch himself in the face when he saw some black plastic on a hanger.

He cocked his head to the side and pulled it out, it had a small note on it.

_Try and look presentable when you come see me for once. I made sure to get it with orange on it so you'd actually wear it. ~ Tsunade._

Naruto opened the plastic cover, and inside it was a black haori with orange flames licking the bottom and orange trimming around the shoulder area. It was sleeveless with a gold trimmed high collar, and on the back, there was a red swirl with a gold kanji for "guts" inscribed within it. Naruto cracked a bright smile, but upon further examination, he wrinkled his nose.

"She didn't give me pants or a shirt."

He turned to his orange shirt strewn across the floor and picked a seal along the sleeve. A pair of grey pants came out, along with a black tank top. Naruto sniffed the pants, they smelled fine, but the shirt…

"Ugh! This smells like fucking poverty!"

Naruto flung the shirt across the room into an open hamper and put the pants on. His hair was still damp, so he tied his forhead protector around his waist and grabbed the orange ribbon from his pile of clothes to tie his ponytail. The jinchuuriki decided to eschew wearing a shirt for the time being as he wasn't to keen on smelling like ass. He threw the black haori on and fastened his ninjato to the orange sash belt attached to his pants. Naruto stared at himself in the mirror.

"I _guess _I'm _mildly_ attractive… whatever."

Naruto shrugged and waltzed out the door and into the street. If he was turning heads then, now he was stopping people in their tracks. Women everywhere were walking into signs and dropping things. After about a block, a crowd started following Naruto. He lept onto a roof. 'Maybe I should have worn a shirt, damn this is annoying!' Naruto thought to himself, but then a familiar, booming voice echoed in his mind as he bounded his way to the Hokage's office.

'_**You do realize that you have your pick of mates in this city, right kit?'**_

' _I told you to shut up a long time ago. I didn't say you could talk yet did I?'_

'_**I'm just pointing out the obvious, you're kind of a fucking moron when it comes to social decorum.'**_

'_You_ of _all living things in the universe_, are lecturing me on social decorum. Think about that for a second.'

'_**What's ironic about that is that I know more about it than you do, not the fact that I'm a demon that kills things for fun. Semantics, kit.'**_

'You and your big words.'

'_**At least you can say I've improved your vocabulary over the years.' **_ The Kyuubi let out a booming laugh that echoed through Naruto's skull. It continued to mock Naruto. _**"Dattebayo!"**_

'You making fun of me?'

'_**Of course.'**_

Naruto thought hard, and imagined a muzzle around The Kyuubi's mouth. Seconds later, the laughing ceased.

'I'm not taking that off, ever.' Naruto only heard growls as a reply, he chuckled to himself as he walked up to the Hokage's tower. The female staff gawked at Naruto as he walked up to the secretary's desk. Slowly but surely, they all figured out who the Blond Adonis before them was. They all simultaneously squealed in delight, it was loud enough to make Naruto cover his ears and run up to the desk.

"Oi! I'm here to see the old lady!"

The receptionist who was previously undisturbed by the squealing, was jarred from her paper work, she began to reply; "How dare you refer to the H-" Her eyes locked firmly on Naruto's bare chest for a second then the seal around his bellybutton, and finally up to his face. She just stared at him, slack jawed. After about ten seconds, Naruto started snapping in front of her face.

"You won't sic a buncha ANBU on me if I go up myself right? Right?"

Naruto sighed and went up the elevator to the top floor. As the door opened, he nearly knocked over a woman carrying some stacks of paper. He caught them in mid air before they scattered.

"Naruto-kun?"

"Hey! Shizune-Nee-chan!" Naruto picked her up in a bear hug.

"Naruto! You've grown! I guess I can't call you shrimp-chan anymore huh? You're even taller than me!" Naruto put the woman down.

"I came to see Baa-chan."

"Tsunade-sama is waiting for you, she's not in the best mood right now, but I think seeing you would cheer her up."

"Alright, see ya later!"

"Naruto-kun." The elevator door swooshed shut and Naruto turned to Tunade's office door. Being the kind of guy Naruto is, he couldn't do anything like a normal person, no no no. Naruto proceeded to kick the door in and announce his presence at an obnoxious volume. Bad idea doing that to a room with trained killers in it.

Kakashi fired up his Chidori, but flipped it off when he recognized who came in. Jiraiya jumped a bit and made a move toward his kunai holster, but his mind overrode his reflexes in time. Tsunade on the other hand… yeah, she threw her desk at the "unknown assailant". Naruto used a kawarmi at the last second to dodge the flying desk as it smashed the elevator door behind him.

"Hehe. Hey Baa-chan."

She didn't say anything, she just glared at Naruto. Jiraiya facepalmed, and Kakashi, who was sitting on the windowsill, was staring at Naruto in amusement (Or what Naruto thought was amusement. You could never really tell, 'cause you know, only being able to see one of Kakashi's eyes and all.)

Tsunade walked up to Naruto very slowly. Naruto was ready to be punched in the face or something else painful, but instead Tsunade straightened out his ruffled haori.

"It looks good on you Naruto-kun. Welcome back," Tsunade wrapped the blonde teenager up in a hug. "By the way, I'm taking that desk out of your next paycheck."

The Hokage let go of Naruto and sat back down before she began speaking.

"Jiraiya filled me in on the details of your trip. I hear you're working on your own version of the Hiraishin, correct?"

Naruto cocked his head to the side and smiled a bit. "I'm still trying to figure out how exactly the kunai work. I'll figure it out and make it even better in no time dattebayo!"

"That's great, the only thing left to talk about is your evaluation."

Naruto frowned. "No."

Tsunade frowned back. "You wish to remain a genin?"

Naruto nodded. "Not until Sasuke is back with us."

Jiraiya cut in. "Naruto's easily a Jonin at this point. You should at least give him the authority of one."

Tsunade shook her head. "Not until he's evaluated."

Naruto sniffed, and in the blink of an eye, he was behind Tsunade, holding the bottle of sake she kept under her chair. "Shizune-nee would freak if she knew you were drinking on the job."

Naruto turned around and flipped the bottle to Tsunade. He cracked a toothy smile.

"I don't think my rank really matters much anyway, It won't help me become Hokage any faster will it?"

Tsunade placed the bottle back under her seat and leaned back in her chair. "True." Kakashi interrupted. "Hokage-sama, if Naruto isn't to be evaluated I'd assume the two of us are free to go?"

Tsunade nodded in reply.

Kakashi motioned for Naruto to follow him out the window. They both lept down into the street.

Tsunade turned to Jiraiya. "He looks just like Minato. We should probably tell him before someone else mentions the resemblance."

Jiraiya scratched his ear and said. "That's probably a good idea, let's let him get settled back in first before we show him Minato and Kushina's wills. I'm gonna go do some research in the mean time."

"You mean voyeurism right?"

"Actually, I'll be following Naruto around. I sense he's about to have some girl trouble, and I need new material. The kid's a gold mine!"

Tsunade mused to herself. "Ougi's based off of Naruto?"

"YOU READ MY BOOKS?!" Jiraiya grinned at Tsunade.

"…Get out of my office before I hit you."

Jiraiya would be smiling for days afterward.

* * *

Damn, that was a long one. Stay tuned in for the next chapter; things are about to take off. Remember to review so I can put things you want to see in the story. Reviews keep me motivated to write this thing.

~ Breath of the Wiz


	3. Chapter 3

AN: It's storytime kids. I got all the boring stuff out of the way now, its time to screw up Naruto's life… in a good way of course. Make sure to read and review so I stay motivated. Now, it's time for things to get interesting.

* * *

Sakura was sitting in her room, staring at a picture of Team 7. She smiled a bit and wiped some dust off of Naruto's face. "I wonder when he's coming back." As if on cue, her phone started ringing. Sakura deftly flipped over her bed and answered the phone on her nightstand.

"Haruno residence."

"Oi, Forhead! Guess who's back!"

Sakura perked up at hearing this. "Your not messing with me, are you Piggy-chan?"

Ino smirked on the other end. "It's exactly who you think it is, no games! He came into the flower shop about 30 minutes ago!"

Sakura plopped down on her bed and began twirling the phone cord. "Has Naruto changed any?"

Ino chuckled a bit on the other end. "I really think you should see him for yourself, but I need someone to vent with… HE'S SOOOO HOT NOW!" Sakura pulled away from the receiver as the squeals pierced her ears.

"Naruto? Hot? Nani?!" Sakura was extremely confused. She tried to imagine what Naruto would look like now, she imagined a slightly taller Naruto in a black and orange jumpsuit with a stupid grin on his face.

"I can't quite picture that, Piggy-chan."

Ino rolled her eyes. "That's why I'm telling you to see it for yourself! To think he had the biggest crush on you ever. _You lucky b-_"

"Don't finish that sentence, Ino."

Sakura thought back to the days when Team 7 was at full capacity, Naruto had really become a dear friend over that time, but Sakura didn't think that she could see him as anything else.

Ino broke the silence. "You only see him as a friend, don't you."

Sakura jumped. "Are you reading my mind over the phone?!"

Ino laughed. "You know it doesn't work like that, Forehead-chan. Naruto's got your brain twisted all in a knot. Go see him and you'll understand **_what I mean_**."

"I really **don't know what you mean** Piggy-chan."

"Stop talking to me and go see him, before I start describing the kinky twisted fantasies in my head! … I have to go."

Sakura frowned. "We haven't talked in a week! What's the rush?"

Ino squealed. "I gotta go take a cold shower!"

Sakura shuddered. "He can't really be that hot, can he?"

Ino squealed again. "Go see'im!" Sakura scratched her head and replied. "Well where is he?" Ino picked up a bath towel and her favorite soap; "I don't know Forehead, he's your teammate, use that big brain of yours! _I'm hanging up now." _Sakura sighed as she heard her friend skipping toward the bathroom as she hit the end call button.

Sakura switched out her lab coat and tights for her usual black leggings and red tank top. Sakura had filled out nicely over the years, having grown to a respectable 5'6", and her formerly flat chest decided to change its tone, having filled out to a decent size. Sakura's chest however, wasn't her most distinguishing feature. It wasn't her eyes, or her lips or anything socially acceptable like that. Sakura's ass shaped up just as you'd expect the life of a ninja to do to it.

It was like a pair of watermelons attached to two tree trunks (an extreme exaggeration, but you get my point, her lower body was strapping). Sakura looked at herself one more time before tying her hair up, akin to the way Anko would do her hair. Sakura leaned back, and exhaled as her spine made creaking and popping noises in protest. She put her red forehead protector in its usual place on her head and strolled out the door.

* * *

Naruto and Kakashi were walking down the street in silence. Naruto annoyed, Kakashi amused, mainly by the reactions of the female (and a small subset of the male) population of Konoha. Kakashi was entertained because Naruto's pouty face made him look aloof and elegant, which in turn, drew even more attention to his former student.

"You know, I don't think that facial expression is helping you go unnoticed, Naruto."

"Then what face should I make huh?!"

"I don't know, but you look a lot like Sasuke right now."

Naruto's facial expression snapped to disgust, and then back to normal.

"Oi, sensei. Is this better?"

"No. Just forget I said anything. It is what it is."

Naruto stared at Kakashi for a second and laughed to himself.

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. That was the one eyed ninja's way of asking for an explanation. Naruto put his hands behind his head, which gave everyone on the street a full view of his shredded torso. Squeals were heard everywhere, Naruto immediately held his haori shut. "Anyway, it's just that someone used to say that to me all the time."

Kakashi smirked, unbeknownst to Naruto. "And who exactly would say that to you all the time?"

"Neko-san dattebayo!"

"Who now?"

Naruto looked up at the blue sky. "When I was little, there was an ANBU assigned to guard me. I didn't see him much, but I knew he was there. He'd leave me food, presents, and also protect me from angry mobs and other crap that wanted to kill me dead." "If I asked him why these things happened to me he'd just say; _"It is what it is." _He's probably dead now though._"_

Kakashi flipped his porno novel out and nonchalantly replied. "Yeah, that was me."

"NANI?!"

Kakashi answered without looking up. "What about it?"

"Exactly how long have you been part of my life?"

"Since day 1 pretty much." Kakashi flipped a page. "Why do you think you ended up on Team 7? I requested you, Sandaime-san wanted me to continue keeping an eye on you after I quit the ANBU, and that was the easiest way to do it at the time. Does it really matter now?"

"Yes! What other secrets are you guys keeping from me?"

Kakashi tapped his forhead protector. "I'm a ninja, remember? I'm entitled to secrets."

"Fine... Where are we going Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm hungry, Ichiraku's? My treat."

"No complaints here!" Naruto was doing backflips on the inside. He thought back to the time that Team 7 tried to see Kakashi's face, and now he'd get to see it. That and the free ramen was a plus.

* * *

Sakura walked down the street, her eyes scanning for even the slightest glimpse of orange, or a neon blonde mop of hair. Having strolled around for 10 minutes she slapped her rather ample forhead. "What's it called? … Ichiki's … Ichiraku! That's where he'd always offer to take me." She ran up the side of the nearest building, much to the confusion of the common population, who shortly after, dismissed it as "ninja shit."

Sakura lept from roof top to roof top, still scanning for the slightest glimpse of orange. As she approached the ichiraku ramen stand, she saw that it was the most crowded area on the street. She landed near the front of the crowd, and tried to figure out what, or who was drawing so much attention. She looked through the bustling street in an attempt to find a familiar face, but she couldn't see anything. There were a bunch of girls everywhere squealing and gossiping.

Sakura figured they must have been talking about Naruto based on their descriptions and adjectives, "blonde", "orange", "sexy". She stopped listening when their conversation went into the gutter. Sakura was unable to reach the ramen stand itself due to the circle of girls around the establishment. She yelled. "SHANNARO! GET OUT OF MY WAY!" The crowd recognized the voice and parted like the Red Sea. Sakura proudly walked through the divide and stopped just in front of Ichiraku's.

"Sakura-chan." Her heart skipped for a second, but the voice was of a more relaxed tone. Kakashi was next to her before she knew it. "Hey Kakashi-senesei."

Kakashi eyed her dully for a second. "You're looking for Naruto, right?"

"Right."

"I was eating ramen with him, but he started acting really weird when we got our bowls. Something was up so I slipped out while he was breaking his chopsticks."

"So he was here with you?"

"Yup. He's right there actually." Kakashi pointed to the lone figure in the stand.

Sakura saw the bottom half of a black haori and some grey pants with orange wraps around the ankles. She also saw an ornate sword, and some black ninja sandals. She couldn't see anything else due to the curtain on the stand. Her eyes narrowed and she began crossing the gap between the crowd and Ichiraku's, but she froze in her tracks when she heard a voice come from the stand.

"Nice to see you too Ojii-san! Tell Ayame-nee I said hi!"

The figure got off the stool and appeared to take a deep breath before turning around and walking through the curtain. Everything went in slow motion for Sakura. The look of skepticism on her face switched to confusion as she finally saw how much Naruto had changed in the last 2 and a-half years. Ino wasn't lying, he _was gorgeous._

A wave of emotion passed over Sakura, she thought back to all the times that Naruto to had saved her, all the times he'd been there, and the guilt she'd felt when she learned that Sasuke tried to kill him. Every word of Naruto's promise to her felt like a knife in her heart.

In that moment, the smile on his face was fake, it was masking disgust. She could tell that Naruto didn't want to have anything else to do with Sasuke at that point, and that everything he did was for her sake. He was the primary reason that she'd progressed so far, so for Naruto to be back, it was like a weight had been lifted from Sakura's shoulders.

Sakura's pure and genuine thoughts about her history with Naruto was interrupted when a gust of wind ruffled his hair and opened his haori up. He wasn't wearing a shirt. He wasn't wearing a shirt and he was shredded. He wasn't wearing a shirt, he was shredded, and he was Naruto.

Sakura's train of thought was snapped from memories to sex in an instant. The transition was jarring, but Sakura wasn't complaining. She looked Naruto up and down, but her ogling was interrupted when she realized that his eyes had locked with hers and he gave her his trademark grin. Time slowed down for Sakura as she watched the wind blow through Naruto's features, she unconsciously smiled at him, he was back, and he was... _**hot?**_

Sakura's look of awe and admiration turned to horror when she finally realized that he was walking toward her, saying something. She couldn't hear him though, it was a little hard to breathe, and her ears were ringing really loudly. How could she keep calm in this situation? She looked so plain that day, she didn't put on lipstick, or makeup, or even a decent set of clothing. No jewelry or low cut shirts, she hadn't even done her hair! Naruto would think tha- Oh no.

He was picking her up and hugging her, she could feel his muscles through her shirt, she could even feel his heartbeat. Her face was inches from his, Sakura felt like she was falling into his electric blue eyes. Her entire body went numb, and her field of vision became a small faraway dot with Naruto's eyes in the center, then, that small dot disappeared.

* * *

Yeah... Sakura should have mentally prepared herself for the shock. Between the physical attraction and the heavy emotions she has concerning Naruto, she couldn't handle the stress... oh well. More to come soon!

~ Breath of the Wiz


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I'm on a roll so I figured I'd double update. Naruto's gonna meet Hinata this chapter, and there's going to be a surprise addition to Naruto's harem, mostly for crack purposes and other cheap laughs. The harem itself may get a bit extensive, but in the end, he can only end up with one girl, but that's going to be a long way down the road. For now, let's get going.

* * *

Naruto looked at the girl he was holding in confusion.

"Eh? Sakura-chan?" Naruto comically tried to wake her up, but to no avail.

The female population was looking at the limp form of Sakura with a mixture of jealousy, anger, and fear. Kakashi was inwardly laughing his ass off, and Jiraiya was **actually** laughing his ass off on a nearby roof while he manically scribbled on his notepad.

"Oi, Sakura-chan! … Damn. Maybe she didn't recognize me. Hey, Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi put his porn away and walked over to his former students. "Yo."

"Should I take her to the hospital?"

"They'll just make you pay them to tell you she'll be fine... No point really." Kakashi put his hands in his pockets and looked around nonchalantly, "I'll leave you two be." Naruto's former teacher promptly disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"Eh. What?" Naruto then realized that he was encircled by horny women. He stared blankly at the civilians, who all continued to stare at Sakura, as if she were a murderer before a jury. He realized that he still had Sakura in a bear hug, so he switched her to a bridal carry. There were whispers among the crowd as they began to creep toward the two ninja.

"Is Hokage-sama's apprentice your girlfriend?"

Naruto sputtered. "Nani? Girlfriend?" Naruto looked down at the unconscious girl in his arms... she was making a very unattractive face. Naruto was about to laugh at his teammate, but was interrupted by voices from the crowd.

"I can show you a better time than she can any day!"

"You'd just give him an STD, bitch! ... I'm clean Naruto!"

The crowd began fighting amongst itself.

"Just let me love you, blonde stranger!"

"Will you marry me?!"

"ALLOW ME TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!"

"I LOVE YOU NARUTO!"

Naruto looked back and forth to find the sources of these voices and declarations of love. Naruto had only garnered hatred from large crowds of people, this reaction from others was rather jarring, he didn't know what to say to all of the sudden affection. The crowd started creeping toward Naruto and Sakura, the sounds becoming unintelligible as it got louder. Naruto started to feel naked and insecure, so he jumped to the nearest roof and looked down at the crowd as they continued to yell obscene details of their sexual fantasies involving him. He sat down and positioned Sakura so that she was sitting across his lap, facing off to his left.

He once again tried to wake her up, it didn't work, but he had an idea. Naruto put his hand on her stomach and applied pressure to a point on Sakura's neck. She started to fidget, so then he pressed down on her stomach and she gave a squeak as she woke up. She had instinctively grabbed the nearest object when she woke up... Her arms landed around Naruto's neck, and Sakura was once again awake... with her face once again inches from Naruto's. The way in which Naruto was holding her felt a little too romantic to Sakura, so she turned pink, and once again passed out. The embarrassment of the last few minutes was just too much.

Naruto huffed in mild annoyance and used shunshin to transport himself and Sakura to her house.

Naruto jiggled the doorknob for a second, then he slapped the door. It slowly squeaked open. "I'm surprised she hasn't had that fixed yet." Naruto walked in through the wooden door, and as he looked around, everything was organized and pristine, like a hospital. He set the unconscious Sakura on the couch and went to her stainless steel fridge. "Eh? No juice or soda? … Vitamin water? The hell is this crap?"

'**What are you doing, Kit? The female is unconscious, plant your seed!'**

Naruto shuddered at the thought. 'And the guru of social decorum returns!_ Where'd your muzzle go anyway?!'_

'_**It disappears as soon as you stop thinking about it.'**_

_**'**Why don't you take a motherf-'  
_

Naruto's ears perked up as he heard Sakura sit up on the couch, several seconds passed, and he became confused as to why she hadn't said anything yet. Naruto stood up from the fridge and closed it as he turned around. Sakura was staring at him wide eyed, her face was the same shade of pink as her hair. Naruto leaned on the fridge and smiled at her as he said "Sakura-chan, you still haven't said hello, we have a lot of catching up to do!" Naruto put his hands in his haori's pockets and waited for her to say something.

Sakura's mind was racing once again, between the emotion of seeing him again, and the level to which he'd changed, she couldn't function properly. Sakura thought back to her training with Tsunade, and managed to calm herself down enough to speak.

"I-It's nice to have you back, Naruto."

'**SHANNAROOOO! I'm gonna fuck his brains out!' **Inner Sakura began to translate.

Sakura's face went from pink to red as she stared down at the coffee table. What was she doing? This was Naruto she was talking to, he was the same guy as he was when he left with Jiraiya-sama. Sakura calmed herself down and stood up as she walked over to her former teammate.

"You've changed, Naruto."

"You have too, Sakura-chan. You're hotter than ever, dattebayo!"

Sakura smiled in reply.

Naruto stopped leaning on the fridge and closed the remaining distance toward Sakura. Sakura laughed a bit and made her observation of Naruto. "You're **actually** taller than me now."

Naruto beamed. "Get used to it Sakura-chan! I'm not even done growing yet! I give myself another four inches at least."

Inner Sakura squealed as Sakura imagined having to be picked up to kiss Naruto… kiss Naruto? … ugh. But still, 6'1" is nice, very nice. Sakura snapped out of her thoughts when she caught herself staring at Naruto's abs.

**'SHANNARO! Stop playing yourself and rip his clothes off! You know he won't complain!' **

She shook her head a bit and scowled at her inner self, outwardly, it appeared to be directed at Naruto.

Naruto got confused, and slightly worried. "Hey... You're not going to hit me or anything are you Sakura-chan? Was it something I said?"

Sakura smiled again and shook her head. "It's nothing." She looked up at Naruto and nervously continued to speak. "It was nice seeing you, but I have... some errands to run, sorry Naruto-kun!" Sakura slid Naruto toward the door, Naruto got even more confused and muttered to himself. "Naruto...**kun**?" Sakura finally slid him out the door and moved to shut it, but the door stopped at the last second.

"Sakura-chan, I haven't forgotten my promise to you." With that, Naruto allowed her to close the door. Sakura's stomach flipped on its side when she heard the determination in his voice, she felt like crying, but she composed herself as she put her back to the door and slid down into a sitting position.

Her face was still pink, and her hands were freezing, but Sakura managed to calm herself down with thoughts from the early days of Team 7. She got up and walked through her house and entered her room. She grabbed her telephone and flipped onto the bed as she hit Ino's speed dial key, now, it was her turn to vent.

* * *

Naruto walked down the street, having only been back in Konoha for a few hours, he decided to just walk around aimlessly until he found something to do. As he walked through the park, all activity ceased. Naruto, still not quite accustomed to his newfound magnetism would have taken notice, but he was more interested in the figure sitting on the bench. She was facing away from him, but her raven black hair was a dead giveaway.

"Hey, Hinata-chan!" The girl looked up, and turned around. It wasn't her. "Oh… Hanabi, right?" She looked at him, blankly. "Yes, that's correct." The preteen stopped sketching in her notebook and got off the bench. She spoke as she walked over to Naruto. "I saw you beat my cousin in the chuunin exams. Naruto Uzumaki, correct?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Sorry for mixing you up with your sister. Know where she is?" Hanabi flipped her Byakugan on and off. She pointed toward the training grounds. "I believe she is in Training Area 5."

"Thanks!" Naruto gave her a thumbs-up. Hanabi nodded in reply. "You're welcome, Uzumaki-san." Naruto used a shunshin as Hanabi returned to the bench and continued sketching the park for a few minutes. She paused, and tucked her notebook into her satchel as she began walking toward Training Area 5.

* * *

Naruto reappeared in the clearing of the training area. He began walking toward the nearest noise, as he came through the bushes, he saw Hinata training. She was tossing logs into the air, as they came down, she'd split them with her Juken. "Oi! Hinata-chan!"

She turned to the blonde stranger as he approached her. "Hey! You remember me, right Hinata-chan?" Hinata stared and shook her head. "Sorry, I'm not sure we've met, sir." Naruto sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "Well, it was great seeing you. You've grown rather beautiful since I've been gone!" Hinata smiled and bowed. "Thank you, sir, but I'm not interested in seeing anyone at the moment."

"Eh? Nevermind, I'll see you later Hinata-chan." Naruto was miffed. 'She doesn't even recognize me! I didn't even say anything about dating either! I can't have changed that much!' Naruto used a shunshin and disappeared.

Hinata thought for a second, then she realized that the strange man had said that he'd been gone. Then she realized that he had whisker marks on his cheeks. Hinata's face turned pink, "N-Naruto-kun? H-He said I was… I was... heh" Hinata smiled and stumbled backward, but was able to snap herself awake before she hit the ground. She giggled to herself and started fidgeting as she thought about all things Naruto. "Heheh. He's back."

Hanabi came out to the clearing seconds after Hinata's little episode. "Hinata-nee-san." Hinata took a deep breath as she forced the red from her face and turned toward her sister. "Hanabi-imouto? What is it?"

A look of determination was plastered to the younger sister's face. "Do you love Uzumaki-san?" Hinata's attempt at appearing composed was thwarted by the sound of his name. She turned pink once again and nodded as she let her head hang. Hanabi looked at her sister and gave a startling reply.

"I suggest you begin courting Uzumaki-san as soon as possible."

"M-me and Naruto-kun?" Hinata started to shiver at the thought. Hanabi nodded in affirmation.

"Hinata-nee-san, if you don't... I'm going to steal him from you."

"N-nani?!" Hinata's pink face took a fearful expression. Hanabi continued to explain.

"I wish to bear Uzumaki-san's children, I believe he would make an excellent father, and the resulting offspring would be a great asset to the clan."

"N-Naruto-kun… father… children." Hinata's face turned a shade of deep scarlet, and she fainted on the spot. Hanabi stared at her sister indifferently and pulled her under a tree to keep her from being sunburned.

"Uzumaki-san will be mine, if you desire him more, you'd best begin courting him before I seal the deal."

* * *

Naruto, was walking aimlessly down the street until he sneezed. He looked around in confusion, especially since it was the middle of the summer, nobody got colds in the summer. He gave a bewildered look.

"Hmm. I feel like I'm in some sort of danger. Ah well! I'm gonna go see Shikamaru!"

* * *

This idea just popped up in my head as I was writing. I think Hanabi as competition would serve as good motivation for Hinata to make a move of her own, not to mention the awkwardness of being propositioned by a 10 year old. It'll all serve as a good source of laughs for the rest of the story. Don't worry, Hanabi is to remain a minor member of the harem due to the age difference. This shit's fun, so keep the reviews coming so I can get some ideas.

~ Breath of the Wiz _Signing off._


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Some of you have voiced your confusion pertaining to this story's status as a harem. It's functionally a harem, but not completely. Eventually, Naruto will have to choose someone (this however, won't happen until the final chapter). The antics associated with dating multiple women still apply, so this is why I have it listed as a harem. Naruto may have to choose, but the girls are all going to make it a hellish ordeal for him to follow through with. He'll be in relationships with all of them, but I know for a fact that none of these characters would be open to sharing once he ties the knot. That's why I'm saying he'll have to choose, but we'll put that off for now. Chapter 5… begin.

* * *

Naruto walked down the streets of Konoha, unsure of how to react to all of the affection, so he just smiled and waved. He still couldn't seem to shake the nagging feeling that he was in some sort of danger, especially since the hairs on his neck were still standing up. Naruto however, thought nothing of the feeling, he had sneezed earlier, which likely meant he was the topic of conversation somewhere, but that just comes with the territory of shinobi life. So why was he...

Naruto's ears perked up, he heard a whistling sound rapidly approach the back of his head. Kunai. Naruto cocked his head to the side and it flew by, impacting the ground in front of him. He crouched and began to draw his sword as he spun around to face the assailant.

As he was turning around, a firm palm strike to his wrist held his half drawn sword in place, and instead of a would-be assassin… he got an eyeful of… cleavage? The assailant's free hand pulled his head toward her chest and held it there for a second. Naruto didn't smell any poison-gas or chloroform, so he waited, especially as he had an idea of who this person was.

He heard a sultry voice laugh at him. "So you dodged it this time. Shame, your blood's _really_ tasty."

That confirmed Naruto's guess. He shivered in apprehension at their first meeting.

* * *

_Flashback no Jutsu!_

_"Do your worst! You're not scarin' me away! I can handle anything you throw at me, dattebayo!"_

_A kunai flew past his face, cutting his cheek. It was so fast that he couldn't even perceive it; he immediately heard the sound of metal smacking against flesh behind his head. She was behind him now, and she'd caught the same kunai she'd thrown at him as it flew past is head. Blood started to run from Naruto's cheek._

_"Tough guys like you usually leave their blood **all over** this forest." She paused. "Aww, are you shaking? You're just as cute as a button!"_

_She licked the bleeding cheek slow enough to make Naruto wince in pain. She cooed to him in a mocking tone "Well aren't you the tasty one." She licked him one more time and pressed a sheet of paper to his chest as she whispered in his ear. "It's required that you sign this waiver before you go in, it's so that we can formally declare you dead without consequence when you inevitably go missing. I'd wish you luck, but that's just mean-spirited." She patted Naruto on the back as she walked away._

_Naruto laughed nervously as his teammates came over to him. Sasuke was the first to speak; "Way to attract a bunch of unnecessary attention to ourselves, dobe." Sakura, for once actually seemed visibly worried about Naruto. "She's off in the head. Are you alright?"_

_Naruto's eye twitched. "Heheh, no."_

_Flashback no Jutsu, Kai!_

* * *

Naruto's eye twitched. "Heeey... crazy snake lady."

"Welcome back, Naruto." She continued to mock him in a patronizing tone. "You don't seem very happy to see me."

"I'm waiting for you to bite my jugular and suck me dry… I shouldn't have said that." Naruto removed his head from Anko's cleavage and took a couple steps back. Naruto blinked once, and she was once again inches away. Anko was holding open his haori and running her... abnormally _soft_ hands down his abs as she stared hungrily into his eyes.

A familiar voice echoed through Naruto's conscious. _**'Kit. She's in heat. SPLIT. HER. IN HALF!'**_

Naruto mentally replied. '_Oh my God would you shut the fu-'_

He was interrupted when she pressed her chest to his upper stomach and began to talk again. "You really shouldn't have said that. You're giving me ideas, _Naru-chan_." The way she said Naru-chan made his face heat up, that, and his pants were starting to feel a little tight. She tugged gently on Naruto's pendant, he didn't fight her as she guided his lips down to meet hers. Naruto closed his eyes in anticipation… but the kiss never came. Naruto opened his eyes and Anko flicked him on the nose, she'd somehow gotten an arm's length away from him, again, without him noticing.

The females on the street sighed in relief, and the men… they were discouraged, civilian and ninja alike. Anko hadn't so much as touched anyone since her ninja career began, she's **said** plenty of kinky things, but it was as she demonstrated to Naruto almost 3 years ago. Talk is cheap.

Anko smirked at Naruto. "It's nice to see that you've grown into something worth looking at." She winked at him. "Left ya a present." Anko licked her lips and disappeared in a swirl of leaves after pointing to a spot on her neck, just above the collar bone.

Naruto touched the same spot on his neck… it was wet, and it stung a bit.

"Oh... she gave me a hickey... WHEN DID SHE GIVE ME A HICKEY?!"

A rather large hand clapped Naruto on the back; the sensation was followed by an equally rowdy sounding voice. "Why even question it? Lucky bastard!" Naruto turned to the voice and beamed.

"Kiba! … But where's Aka- HOLY SHIT!" Akamaru tackled Naruto, this would be cute, if it weren't for the fact that the canine was now as big as Kiba and Naruto combined.

"Hey Kiba! What're you feedin' this guy?" Naruto squirmed out from under the giant dog and stood up to give him a hug. Naruto didn't even have to kneel for Akamaru to lick his face.

"Eh. Sides of beef, kibble… human bodies."

"Nani?" Naruto turned to Kiba skeptically, and then looked back to Akamaru.

Kiba shrugged and elaborated. "I let him eat what he kills on missions, sometimes he kills enemy ninja... eats 'em."

Naruto looked at Akamaru's fangs, and blinked. "Badass. How've ya been dog-boy?"

Kiba yanked Naruto up by the collar. "Forget me! How'd you get Anko to talk to you? Let alone touch you!"

Naruto shuddered, "We met during the second part of the chuunin exams, she tried to traumatize me. It worked. I don't think she's gonna to let me live it down… It's all just a sick joke to her."

Kiba put Naruto in a headlock. "She wasn't messing with you, you moron! She gave you a hickey!"

"Eh? So?" Naruto managed to slip out of Kiba's grip.

Kiba swiveled his head toward Naruto. "It's like markin' territory! She wants yer dick, and wanted to make sure _everybody_ knows."

Naruto looked at Kiba with his patented skeptical look. "Yeah, sure Kiba."

Kiba sighed. "Fine, don't believe me." Kiba looked at his watch. "I'll catch you later; my team has a meeting on training ground 5. See ya Naruto!" Kiba jumped on Akamaru's back and they lept away.

Naruto checked his body for any more presents from Anko. Not finding any, he continued on his way to… where was he going again?

* * *

"That's it? We're just gonna toss him the keys and tell him?" Jiraiya raised his brow at Tsunade.

Tsunade slammed her desk and the entire building shuddered. "JIRAIYA! I've explained to you the ceremonial method three times already, but you kept asking me to repeat myself! We're just telling him now since you seem to be going senile."

Jiraiya thought for a second and cocked his head to the side. "I'll be honest, I just couldn't stop staring at your breasts. I'll listen this time, I promise!"

Tsunade immediately leapt over the desk to punch her former teammate in the face, her ample bosom jiggled and bounced as she flew through the air. Jiraiya gave a lecherous grin as he ducked under her punch and shoved his face into her cleavage as he allowed her to land on top of him.

Tsunade, caught off guard just stared at Jiraiya, with his face buried in her cleavage. Jiraiya's muffled voice came from Tsunade's chest.

"Doesn't this remind you of that time when we were 16 and we decided to experiment with-"

"Jiraiya." Tsunade interrupted and smiled menacingly as she sat up and clenched her hands around his throat. "Give me a reason **not **to strangle you to death."

Jiraiya instantly squeaked out his answer. "You'd be insulted if I wasn't staring at them, right… right?"

Tsunade stared down at Jiraiya and conceded his point. "Touché. But that wasn't a very good reason." Tsunade smiled at Jiraiya again and tightened her grip around his throat.

Jiraiya squeaked again as his windpipe was being crushed. "Tsunade-hime... Is wrong that this turns me on?" Tsunade did a backflip to the other side of the room when she felt a bulge near her rear end.

* * *

"JIRAIYA GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

Shizune heard the voice and the following crashes from the bottom floor as she photocopied paperwork for the Hokage. She shook her head and turned to an intern as she spoke her mind. "They could resolve a lot of tension in their relationship if they just got married, or if they even started dating again."

Shizune chuckled along with the rest of the room when they heard the sound of shattering glass and Jiraiya's high-pitched grunt as he hit the ground outside their own window. The Hokage's aide sighed as she pulled a phone off the wall. "Yukina-san? It's Shizune, Could you please get another window to the Hokage's office? … Yes… the usual, put it on Hokage-sama's tab."

* * *

Naruto, in his aimless wandering was startled by the arrival of his current sensei… via air-mail apparently.

"Oi, Ero Sannin. Disagreement with Baa-chan?"

Jiraiya flipped onto his feet and loudly cracked his spine. Naruto winced at him before he began talking. "Oh no. I think we're on the same page now. She actually sent me to come get you, Gaki."

"Alright!" Naruto jumped from the ground up to the window of Tsunade's office. She didn't even notice him, likely because she was drinking sake… straight from the bottle… in large drags.

Naruto, crouched on the windowsill, looked at the Hokage in disgust. "Oi, Baa-chan!"

Tsunade jumped and turned to Naruto, a rosy tint on her cheeks. She slurred out. "Ohyeah. Imma... give you yer *hic* inheritance now."

Naruto stared blankly at Tsunade. "My inheritance… wat?"

Jiraiya poked his head into the door of the office and gave Tsunade a goofy smile. He took cover behind the door when a bottle of sake shattered on it.

"Shit Naruto. YES you're inheritance! YOU'RE REALLY DENSE, YOU KNOW THAT?!"

Naruto continued to stare at the drunken Tsunade blankly as he walked around to the front of her desk. "Baa-chan? Your anger seems misplaced, I didn't do anything yet."

"Sorry it's just-" Tsunade's slur was cut off as she jumped up and took a drunken swing at Jiraiya, who was now standing next to her as she sat at her recently replaced desk. He ducked under the punch, but was startled by the gust of wind that followed it. It was strong enough to make all the paper in the room fly out the window. "... If that had hit me..." Tsunade, visibly drunk, stared angrily, and then suddenly passed out on Jiraiya.

Naruto stared at the two sannin in anticipation, so Jiraiya propped Tsunade up with one arm, and used his other to point to the scrolls on the desk.

"I suggest you read them in private."

Naruto looked between two the Sannin and the scrolls back and forth for several seconds.

Naruto smiled. "I had parents."

"Yes Naruto, yes you did."

* * *

AN: It's time for Naruto to receive his inheritance. And you know what that means! BIG. ASS. MANSION. And yes, Anko is officially part of the harem. Jailbait? Ain't nobody got time fo dat! Anko gives no fucks when it comes to age gaps... or safe-words for that matter. Whatevs.

~ Breath of the Wiz, _Signing Off._


	6. Chapter 6

AN: This chapter's going to be a little short, sorry, but I've got a party to host. Don't worry though, chapter 7 will be longer to compensate. It's almost finished, so it'll be up within the next 24 hours. I'd almost suggest waiting another day so you can read both in quick succession. Comedy aside, this one's going to be a little more serious. Alright... let's go.

* * *

Naruto left the Hokage's office with a look of raw anticipation on his face as he stared at the scrolls in his hands. They were heavy, much heavier than they looked. One was yellow, with silver trim and a silver clasp on it, this clasp had a seal engraved onto it. The kanji in the center of the seal said "From Dad", Naruto took notice of the other scroll, which was aesthetically identical, save for the colors. It was a deep red, and where the other scroll was silver, it was gold. The seal had "From Mother" on it, and as he looked down at these two objects, Naruto felt waves of… something. There were far too many distinct emotions swirling in Naruto's mind for him to describe with words.

As Naruto entered his apartment, he walked into the kitchen and attempted to pry open the red scroll. The scroll zapped him with a small jolt of what felt like electricity. He looked at the seal engraved into the gold clasp. Recalling the things Jiraiya taught him about seals, Naruto recognized the design as a blood seal. Naruto ran his thumb across a kunai and touched the seal. The red scroll promptly unfurled itself and Naruto began to read, but the first few words appeared to be smudged by tears. The writing continued underneath.

"_Naruto Uzumaki, my son. I'm writing this to you in Konoha's darkest hour. The Kyuubi has been released, and your father is out fighting it as we speak. Despite my current condition, I've resolved to help him in his greatest time of need. That help however, will likely spell the end of our lives, and also make yours a living hell. I was the second jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, but an intruder forced the seal open during your birth. I can't reabsorb the Kyuubi again, so the only solution to this catastrophe involves passing my burden on to you. Naruto, I can't apologize enough for what your father and I are about to put you through, but when I saw you look up at me for the first time, I just knew that you would be strong enough to shoulder this burden that we're passing on to you. Naruto, My greatest regrets are that I'll never get to see you grow up, and that we've given you a load that no one should have to bear. I know that you may be angry at us, and I understand that, but for what it's worth, I love you, my son. Enclosed in the seal below this are all of my posessions I wish to pass on to you, as are your fathers'. If you happen to read this letter first, please wait and read what your father wrote to you. Then open the seal. I love you, my son._

_Your Mother; Kushina Uzumaki."_

Naruto's heartbeat sped up as he read the name of his mother. "But that was the name of the…" Naruto's head slowly turned to the currently sealed yellow scroll. He touched it and popped it open.

"_Naruto, sorry, but I have to be brief. The Kyuubi is stomping through the village as we speak and I need to prepare your seal. I know you probably hate me for doing this to you, but I can't ask someone to willingly put their child through the life of a jinchuuriki if I'm not willing to sacrifice my own first. My name is Minato Namikaze, Naruto, I'm your father."_

Naruto stared down at the scroll, feeling empty. All of his misplaced hatred for the Yondaime no longer had a place in his soul to reside. Naruto felt a strange mix of emptiness, and excitement. He finally learned who his parents were, and they were non other then the Bloody Habañero and the Yellow Flash at that, but they're also the reason he lived a life of isolation. Naruto figured that he'd sort his emotions out over time. He looked at his father's scroll and continued reading.

"_I need you to be strong for me Naruto. I'm sorry that our identities have been kept secret from you for so long, but I have a lot of enemies. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you. Naruto, I'm begging you, please don't turn out like all the other jinchuuriki, don't become the monster sealed within you. _

_The sealing process will kill me, so this is the last time I'll get to see you. I'm sorry I couldn't be a father to you, sorry that I could never be there to teach you things, sorry that I couldn't protect you from the harshness of the world, but I'm the 4__th__ Hokage. I have to preserve the Will of Fire, even if it costs me my life. See you on the other side. I love you, Naruto Namikaze-Uzumaki._

_Good luck, and stay strong,_

_Minato "The Yellow Flash" Namikaze; 4__th__ Hokage of Konohagakure_

_~Signing off."_

Tears welled up in Naruto's eyes, and for the first time in 3 years, he cried. All of the pent up anger, sadness, fear, and loneliness from his life released itself all at that moment. Naruto managed to compose himself after a few minutes and returned to his mother's scroll, he pumped chakra into the left seal. Out came several keys linked to a key-ring along with an attached note.

"_This is the key to our home, I hope you find it useful. It's the big one in the park, with the red gates, you can't miss it. ~Mom"_

Naruto perked up and looked at his tidy, yet dilapidated dwelling. He would be more than happy to move out, it's not like the place had any sentimental value, to Naruto, it was just a place to live.

The blonde smiled and went up to his room and place his finger through the loop of the kunai embedded in the floorboards. He once again disappeared in a yellow flash.

Our hero appeared on that familiar hill and turned to the graves once more, he sat down in front of Haku's marker and stared at it. He began to talk after a short silence.

"Haku-chan. I found out who my parents were today. I was finally old enough to receive my inheritance, so… I'm proud of them. It was a pleasant surprise. I just wanted to share that with you… I know that your experience with parents wasn't a bright one, you deserved better. Had you been born in Konoha, you'd still be alive today, you'd be here with me."

Naruto felt a lump in his throat as he remembered the end of their fight on the bridge.

* * *

_Flashback no Jutsu!_

_"WHY! WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?!" A red eyed Naruto roared at a solemn Haku as her broken mask clattered on the ground._

_Her voice was barely a whisper. "It seems that fate has drawn us together, Naruto." Haku stumbled toward Naruto, almost falling. Naruto stepped in and caught her, her weak voice continued._

_"Sasuke will be fine. It's the same trick I pulled on you earlier with Zabuza."_

_Naruto sat down with her and let her rest her head on his chest. He looked at the top of her head. "You really aren't cut out to be a ninja, you're too gentle. Why **not **kill him?"_

_Haku looked at Naruto, tired beyond imagination. "When a person has something important they want to protect that's when they can become truly strong."_

_Naruto blinked at Haku. "You lost on purpose?"_

_Haku cupped Naruto's face. "No, you beat me all your own. I just couldn't bear to kill you. The only way out of that battle was for one of us to die, I knew you were strong Naruto, so I just had to give you a reason to defeat me."_

_Naruto hugged Haku tighter, and she hugged him back. Suddenly, Haku struggled from Naruto's embrace._

_"Zabuza is in trouble." Naruto also stood up in protest._

_"Haku, you're too injured to do anything. You'll only get killed. I know it's against your nindo, but I can't let you throw your life away!" Naruto grabbed her wrist, but then he saw her other hand swing at him. He took a step back to dodge, but suddenly realized pressure in the side of his neck. Naruto immediately took notice of the needle buried in his flesh, and suddenly fell to the ground, numb all over. Haku propped Naruto up on the guard rail and knelt down so that they were eye level._

_"I can't leave him to die after everything he's done for me. Goodbye, Naruto."_

_Naruto struggled to speak. "H-Haku."_

_She stood up and turned, but hesitated when she saw the tears in his eyes. She knelt back down and stared into his eyes, she paused, and then kissed him. Miraculously, Naruto was able to pick his arm up and wipe one of her tears away after their lips parted. She held his hand to her face and stared longingly at him for what felt like an eternity. Naruto realized that she was waiting for him to come to terms with it. He managed speak one final time before he passed out._

_"I love you, Haku-chan."_

_Naruto's vision faded on the image of her smiling face. That was the last time he saw her alive._

_Flashback no Jutsu, Kai!_

* * *

Naruto stared at her grave marker and sighed. "I have to go again, Haku-chan. It's not normal that I get to see you twice a day. I have to get ready to move out tonight, so I'll stop by in a few days."

Naruto got up and teleported back to his room. The influx of emotions over the last few hours made Naruto fail to notice the figures hiding in the tree line overlooking the bridge.

* * *

Dun Dun Dun ~~~~~ More to come soon. Remember to follow, fave, and review so I can stay motivated!

~Breath of the Wiz_  
_

_Signing Off_


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Here it is, the extended chapter. This is the point in the story where the adventure, action, and drama will begin to come into play. Don't worry, I know this story is tagged under humor, so I won't forget my roots. Laughs will always be a part of this project. Now that all the pieces are in place, it's time to kick off the real story. This chapter will start us off, and after this, there's no telling where it'll all go.

* * *

Naruto felt a pang of regret as he woke up the next morning. He'd had that dream again; the one where he was Hokage, happily married to Haku. The pain quickly subsided when Naruto realized that it was time to go see his new home. He'd seen it several times before, he'd heard rumors that it was the 4th Hokage's old house, and now those rumors were confirmed.

It was located on an obscure pathway in Konoha Park, so that's were Naruto went. Thinking ahead for once, Naruto decided that it was best that as few people as possible knew where he lived for the time being. Naruto used henge and transformed into a plain-looking carpenter. He then walked downstairs to exit the apartment building. As Naruto walked down the street, a small part of him missed the admiration that he experienced yesterday, but that was of little relevance at the moment.

Naruto eventually reached Konoha Park, as he walked through it, he looked at the swings, the lake, everything. They all brought back painful memories from his child hood. Everywhere he turned, it reminded him of his early years of isolation. Fighting off kids who tried to attack or bully him, wondering why adults snatched their kids away. Sometimes it got so bad the "Neko-san" had to step in and break up the fights. Even with all the painful memories surrounding him, Naruto was able to find solace in knowing that everything that's happened to him at this point has made him a stronger person.

Naruto finally passed through the park, and walked down the back-wood pathway. It led through a grove of cherry blossom trees, and when he came out, he found a gated manor, surrounded by the red gates his mother described to him in her letter. Naruto pulled out the scroll and unsealed his key. He couldn't find a keyhole on the gate, so he looked at the note attached to the key itself. There was the message his mother left him, but he'd never looked at the other side of the note until now. He flipped it over and looked.

"Just run some chakra through this key and tap the swirl on the gate. Do the same with the front door too. ~Dad"

Naruto nodded and did exactly as the note said, and the gate opened. Naruto walked through the gate and examined the long sidewalk that lead to the mansion. The lengthy path was made red and yellow stone, and on either side there were expansive grass fields with oak trees scattered along them. Naruto was confused at the well maintained appearance of the house, gate, and yard.

"I guess Baa-chan and Ojii-san had someone take care of this place until I got old enough." Naruto dispelled his henge and strolled down the pathway, observing the tranquil beauty of the area. He reached the large wooden doors and opened them with his key. To his surprise, he smelled food. The door made a loud sound as it slammed, and then Naruto heard voices.

Out of nowhere, an army of maids and butlers came from various rooms and bowed to Naruto. Then a girl, probably only a few years older than Naruto, appeared at the top of the stairs.

She began to speak. "Welcome home, Namikaze-sama… I can understand that you're probably confused right now. We were commissioned to maintain this house for you two years ago. You'll find that the Namikaze estate is fully staffed for your comfort. We cook, clean, and even provide security for you." When the girl said security, the maids and butlers all took out their forehead-protectors and showed them to Naruto. She continued; "My name is Mitsuki Tachibana, and any requests you have for the staff can be relayed through me."

Naruto blinked. "Thanks. I'll go get my things and move-" Mitsuki put her hand up and stopped Naruto. "We'll handle that." Mistuki whistled and 10 butlers disappeared in swirls of leaves.

"Please, make yourself at home, Namikaze-sama." Mitsuki smiled warmly at Naruto. It was then that he took a second to really look at her. She had waist-length black hair, it was wavy, giving her a wild yet elegant look. She had a tan complexion, slightly darker than Naruto, but her most distinguishing features were her lime-green eyes. She also had a small scar across her nose, like Iruka-sensei… he needed to visit him soon. Mitsuki's sharp facial features along with her clothes marked her as a ninja. She was wearing black ninja pants with white ankle wraps and black boots. She wore a kunoichi's halter-top, and also had a long navy scarf adorning her neck. Naruto looked at the scar on her chest and followed it all the way to her shoulder, which had an ANBU tattoo on it.

"Mitsuki-san. What did you do before this?" She placed her hands behind her back and took a breath.

"You can't already tell, Namikaze-sama? I was ANBU, but that's behind me now, I'm retired."

"No, I mean what was your specialty as an ANBU?"

"Assassination and recon."Naruto looked at her quizzically. "Eh? How old are you anyway? You can't be much older than me."

Mitsuki gave Naruto a strange look; he couldn't quite assign a specific emotion to it. "It's impolite to ask a girl her age, but if you really must know, I'm 21."

"You just act a lot older than you look. That's why I asked." Naruto turned and looked at his staff. "You all can go home for the weekend when the others bring my things over." The staff nodded and continued their duties, Mitsuki descended the stairs and walked over to Naruto.

"Namikaze-sama, what do you wish to do with your old apartment?" Naruto looked at her and noticed she was rather tall for a woman, she was also 5'9". He thought for a second. "I'll keep it, just move out everything important, and I'll sort it out on my own."

"Understood." Mitsuki walked away and began speaking on her chakra-powered radio to direct the butlers in Naruto's house.

One of the maids approached Naruto. "Namikaze-sama, would you like me to show you to your room?" He nodded in reply. "Follow me."

She took him up the staircase and there were three hallways, one to the front, the left, and the right. She walked him straight ahead. The left side of the stark white hallway was lined with windows. Naruto looked outside and there was a courtyard with a fountain and patio, he could see some of the staff relaxing on benches and eating lunch, Naruto stared, dumbfounded at the elegance of the estate. Naruto looked to his right, the light cascaded through it's the windows, drawing attention to the potted plants and paintings on the wall. Most of them were of stuffy-looking old men with bright red hair. They all shared the surname, Uzumaki. When Naruto and the maid finally reached the end of the hallway, he saw the final picture. It was a portrait of The Bloody Habañero herself, Kushina Uzumaki.

The maid walked to the brown door and opened it, she waved Naruto inside.

"If you need anything, I'll have someone sent by in ten minutes." With that she bowed and left Naruto to himself. He stepped into his room. It was vast and bare, with white walls. The ceiling must have been 30 feet high, and there were large windows placed near the top of the walls. The room had a warm glow to it, mainly due to the polished wood floors, and the natural light. To his right, there was a mirror that spanned the length of the room, to his left, there was a single bed, circular in shape, placed an equal distance from both walls. On the other side of the room, there appeared to be a bathroom and closet. Naruto took off his haori and placed it on the bed. He saw two pictures of his parents, one looked to be a wedding photo, and the other was of the Minato and a pregnant Kushina. Naruto took notice of a TV remote on the nightstand, and became confused when he looked at the rest of the room. Failing to find a TV in all its vastness. Naruto shrugged and pressed the power button, he jumped when several floorboards rose from the ground. A flatscreen TV was beneath them, and it flipped to Konoha's news station. Naruto nodded in approval and retracted the TV back into the floor. "I could get used to this."

* * *

Ino walked through the streets of Konoha, mainly to run errands. It's not like she needed to though, she was just hoping that she'd run into Naruto by some stroke of luck. She'd figured he'd stop by for more flowers at some point for his departed significant other. Having spoken with Sakura the day before, Ino understood that she'd eventually have some competition for Naruto from Sakura, at least when she gets it through her forehead that she loves him, but until that day, she had plenty of time. Time wasn't an issue, but Ino didn't want to wait.

Her experiences with Naruto had all been rather limited, there was that one mission to the land of noodles she had with him. If her memory served correctly, she was a body double for Princess Fuku, the whole thing turned out to be a waste of time anyway, mainly because Naruto blew their cover and somehow solved the problem at the same time.

"Meh… none of that matters now anyway."

Ino continued to walk down the street, eventually she realized that she'd subconsciously led herself to Naruto's apartment building, she'd gone there before to wake him up when they went on their mission together.

Ino nearly fell flat on her face, she didn't have a legitimate reason to be there, so knocking on his door would get awkward. Especially because of what Sakura had told her about Naruto. The guy was a walking lie detector, according to her best friend, he could just tell. Ino thought for a second, and eventually, she came up with something that would work. She jumped to the nearest roof and quickly sprinted back to the flower shop and grabbed the same type of bouquet she recommended to Naruto the day before. She wrapped it in plastic so that it wouldn't be ruined when she sprinted back to Naruto's apartment.

Having reached her destination for the second time, Ino walked into the building and waited to catch her breath before going up the stairs. She reached his door and knocked. "Well, if he's not here." Ino pulled a pen out of her purse and wrote on the bouquet's card.

"_Naruto I'm sorry about your friend. Here are some more flowers for when the other ones wither. Just keep these in sugar water until you need them. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm perfectly willing to listen._

_~ Ino Yamanaka"_

Ino read over the card one more time, and prepared to leave it on the doorstep, but then she figured she should knock one more time for good measure. Just before her knuckles hit the door, it began to open. Ino's heart sped up and she began to speak.

"Hey, Naruto? … This is the right house isn't it?" She looked confused as ten men carrying boxes walked out, the first nine ignoring her. The tenth stopped and addressed Ino.

"You're looking for Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Yes. I wanted to give him these." Ino motioned to the flowers.

"We're just moving his things out... one moment." The man stopped and listened to someone on his earpiece.

Ino looked at the man worriedly. "He hasn't been evicted or something, has he?"

The man shook his head. "Oh heavens no! We're merely moving his things to his new house!"

"Oh. Well could you give these to him for me, since he's busy with moving in and all?" Ino handed the flowers to the man, but he refused them.

"Please, gifts are best given in person. Follow me… you're a ninja correct?"

Ino nodded.

"Then we can take the rooftops, much quicker than the streets, no?"

"Sure." Ino smiled, but inwardly groaned at more high-speed travel. She'd done plenty of sprinting across roofs in the past 15 minutes.

She followed the black clad man over roofs, toward the more expensive side of Konoha, Ino was beginning to become impressed. Naruto must have gone on some crazy S-Rank missions to be able to afford this part of town. After all the jumping, Ino and the butle landed in Konoha park, next to the lake. It was pretty this time of year, all of the cherry blossoms were blooming.

Ino began to stare at the lovely sight, but then she realized that the mysterious man began to walk down a deteriorated trail that looked all too familiar. "But that's where the 4th Hokage lived."

Ino eagerly followed the man until they reached a red gate with a gold swirl on it. He tapped the swirl and the gate slid open, he motioned for Ino to follow him. Ino looked around, dumbfounded at the beauty of the estate. The vast emptiness of the front yard save for a few trees and the house itself, made it strangely relaxing to look at.

The man led Ino through the front door, and she was startled by the liveliness of the house. Butlers and maids were walking all through the foyer, idle chit chat and greetings peppered Ino's ears. The man she followed whistled and a maid came over, he told her to take Ino to see Naruto.

The maid looked Ino up and down. "Are you Nami- … Uzumaki-sama's girlfriend?"

Ino muttered under her breath. "Not yet…" She looked back up at the maid and gave a less obvious answer. "Not exactly, we're just friends."

The maid smirked at Ino knowingly. "Good luck." She motioned for Ino to follow her up the stairs. Ino was taken aback at the beautiful simplicity of the grounds, she noticed on her right, some familiar pictures she'd seen in her history books… the Uzumaki Clan! … "I always thought it was a coincidence that Naruto's last name was Uzumaki. He doesn't look it at all."

The maid looked back at Ino as they walked toward a brown door at the end of the hallway. "There are many things about Uzumaki-sama that aren't common knowledge."

The maid knocked on the door. "Uzumaki-sama? You have a visitor."

A muffled voice replied soon after. "Come in!" The maid opened the door and walked in with Ino.

"Hey Ino!" Naruto waved and smiled.

Ino flushed a bit, as Naruto wasn't wearing a shirt. He was standing on a small pedestal in the middle of the large room. The maid smiled coyly at Ino and shut the door.

"Hey Naruto. I brought these in case you needed more flowers for… her. The first bouquet should keep for a few more days."

"Thanks!"

"No problem." Ino stared at Naruto absentmindedly, her eyes tracing the scratches, scars, and other muscles on his body, the way the light hit him on the pedistal made him look rather statuesque. Several dirty thoughts ran through her head. "What are you doing?"

Naruto thought for a second and scratched his head. He turned to the far side of the vast room and yelled. "Mitsuki-chan!"

Ino's heart jumped into her throat when she saw a beautiful girl walk out of Naruto's closet, her wild black hair only drew attention to her lime-green eyes, piercing in their brightness. She was carrying something red and white and handed it to Naruto. She looked at Ino quizzically, and then smiled.

Naruto talked to her. "What exactly are we doing again?"

"It's called hemming. Now put this on."

"Yeah, sure."

Naruto put the haori on, and Ino's heart jumped into her throat… again. He looked **exactly** like the 4th Hokage in all the pictures of him. It all made sense now, why he was living in this house, why there were always ANBU near him when he was a kid. He was the-…

Why is she touching him like that?!

Ino's heart jumped into her throat for a 3rd time when Mistuki also stepped on top of the pedestal. She was standing rather close to Naruto, close enough for her breasts to press against his chest. Mitsuki failed to notice the slight tint of red on Naruto's face as she was pulling the measuring tape behind his back. She finished measuring the Haori in relation to Naruto, and in one swift motion, she'd taken the coat off of Naruto, exposing his upper body. She took one last set of measurements for his torso, brazenly touching him all over. Naruto continued to blush, her soft hands touched his entire torso with surgical precision, he could feel her breathing the rise and fall of her chest was especially obvious as her own pressed against his.

Ino was annoyed and worried at the same time, she'd never seen this girl before, yet over the span of a day, she was able to get this close to Naruto. With all her experience in acting, Ino was able to hide her annoyance, well, most of it.

She smiled and introduced herself after Mitsuki stepped off the stool.

"Hi! I'm Ino Yamanaka!" She offered Mitsuki her hand.

Mitsuki took it and replied. "I'm Mitsuki Tachibana." She paused and smirked. "So, what's _your _relationship to Uzumaki-sama."

Ino's eye twitched at the emphasis on _your, _and how's she get off calling him Uzumaki-sama_? _It's like she was mocking her.

"Eh? We're friends." Ino worked up her courage and completely readied herself to look like a fool. "What's your relationship with Naruto-kun?"

Mitsuki's extremely bright eyes made Ino freeze as they stared at each other. Mitsuki's expression was blank, and after a pause, she spoke. "I'm his escort."

"Escort." The word echoed through her head over and over. Ino smiled menacingly. She had to restrain herself from punching Mitsuki, but then she looked at Naruto, who was as confused as ever.

"Eh? You're my escort? I don't need a bodyguard."

Mitsuki sighed. "...You ruined the joke, Uzumaki-sama." Mitsuki's demeanor switched to business mode instantly. "As I said, I'm Mitsuki Tachibana, I'm the staff director at the Uzumaki estate, and personal aide to Naruto Uzumaki. I also serve as his bodyguard… not his escort."

"Nani? Then what's an escort?"

Ino piped in. "Don't worry about it Naruto." Ino was relieved. This Mitsuki girl and Sakura may have constant access to Naruto, but the green-eye goddess was duty-bound, and Sakura was too stubborn to understand her feelings.

"Hey, Mitsuki-chan? Can you put these in some sweet water?"

Ino corrected Naruto. "Sugar water."

Naruto corrected himself. "Oh… Sugar water?"

Mitsuki took the flowers from Ino and walked to the door. She bowed and smirked at Ino, "Good luck!" Ino's eye twitched again, this girl had to be trolling her.

Ino turned to Naruto, and was reminded of her earlier revelation.

"Naruto? Just who exactly are you?"

Naruto looked at Ino, she seemed trustworthy enough, besides, she could read his mind if she wanted to.

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki. Sole surviving member of the Uzumaki clan, and son of the Yondaime Hokage." Naruto shut his eyes… but then they burst open and he started yelling.

"BUT I REFUSE TO LIVE IN THE SHADOW OF MY PARENTS! I'LL MAKE MY OWN MARK ON THIS WORLD DATTEBAYO!"

Ino jumped a bit at his sudden outburst, but was calmed down when she really took notice of how much muscle Naruto put on over the past 2 and a half years. She stared, fantasizing of dirty things, at least until she heard Naruto begin speaking again.

"Oi Ino! I'm going out to eat, wanna come?"

Ino looked at Naruto and raised her eyebrow. "Only if I get to choose the place."

Naruto pouted for a second, and finally agreed.

Ino nodded and went into her purse for her hand mirror, she pulled her hair tie off and swung her hair. She fluffed her locks and let some hair cover one of her eyes so that it gave her a more exotic look. Ino looked in the mirror, satisfied, she put it back in the purse. Then she took her black skirt, and hiked it up so that it was just past halfway between her knee and hip. She rolled the waistband down to match the appearance of a miniskirt, and allow her midriff to be seen when she made her final adjustment. She took her baggy white t-shirt and pulled on the neck until she heard a satisfying pop. She let go and her cleavage was visible. She then tied a knot with the bottom of the shirt, it allowed Naruto to see her well toned stomach. Ino pulled her forehead protector from her purse and tied it around her neck. She smiled.

Naruto, stared, dumbfounded, as Ino went from unremarkable to head turning in about 45 seconds. "So, where are we going, Ino-chan?"

"Maybe you should put a shirt on first, or… actually, feel free not to."

"Heheh. Yeah! I'll to that." Naruto walked into his closet on the far side of the room

Ino walked over to the wall length mirror and put on her makeup, she smirked and mused to herself. "All I need is three dates, just three." She deviously giggled to herself, the hairs on Naruto's neck stood on end.

"Eh? It's that feeling again… Whatever."

* * *

Ino's got a plan in store, and Naruto's got his work cut out for him! Remember to follow, fave, and review. I need my motivation.

~ Breath of the Wiz

_Signing Off_


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Sorry for the wait. I had to plan out the next section of the story so that this doesn't turn into one of those plotless smutfests that plague most fanfiction. It's cool, because since I've gotten past the obligatory inheritance chapters, this is officially the first relevant chapter to the story. Don't worry, chapter 9 will be up in a more timely manner (the next few days to be less vague), so without further adieu, let't see what Ino's got planned for Naruto.

* * *

"Where're we headed, Ino?"

Ino grabbed Naruto's hand and began to pull him behind her.

"We're going to my favorite sushi bar."

Naruto smiled and patted his stomach with both hands as it growled. "I could do sushi right now."

As they walked to the front door, the staff of the Uzumaki Estate bowed as Naruto and Ino exited the building. As the two teens approached the gate to the cherry blossom grove, Ino noticed Naruto becoming apprehensive.

"What's wrong, Naruto-kun?"

"We need to think of some disguises for when we walk to the sushi bar. I tend to attract a bunch of attention wherever I go for some reason."

Ino gave Naruto one of the warmest smiles he'd ever seen; warmer than Haku even. She laughed a bit as she talked; "It's cute that you don't understand why that is!"

Ino looked back at Naruto, reassuring him as they began to exit the grove. "Give me a sec, I'll think of something, we may not even have to use henge."

Naruto sighed and nodded. They walked in silence for another 5 minutes and came to the exit of the park. Naruto looked at Ino in anticipation for her idea. Ino turned back at him and beckoned.

"Come here, Naruto." Naruto complied and walked over to Ino. She looked up at him and wrapped both her arms around one of his, pulling Naruto close.

"This should be enough to keep your fan club off us, no henge required."

"Oh! They'll think you're my girlfriend or something!" Ino nodded and pulled him along, she looked up at Naruto and warned him.

"You gotta meet me halfway on this. If you don't sell the ruse that we're an item, people will pick up on it and disregard the fact that I'm on a "date" with you. Got it, Naruto?"

Naruto nodded; "Yeah… hm. So I should do stuff this then, right?" out of nowhere, he stopped Ino and kissed her on the forehead.

She froze; the street froze, everything, be it animal, or human, stopped in its tracks.

The girls on the street stared in surprise, and jealousy, especially since Ino wasn't exactly the nicest to Naruto when they were kids. Ino twitched a bit, mainly at the suddenness of Naruto's actions, but things like this were to be expected, especially from the #1 most unpredictable person in Konoha.

Even though Naruto had rather awkwardly moved into it, Ino had to resist the urge to yank him downward into a real kiss. She took a deep breath, and laughed to herself as she hugged Naruto.

"That's a yes… isn't it, isn't it?"

Ino smirked up at him and poked his chest. "Watch out Naruto, I might ask you to do that for real next time... Hey what's that on your neck?"

Naruto's eye twitched. Ino noticed and examined the mark closer. Oh no.

"A HICKEY?! Naruto, who gave you that?!"

"Crazy snake lady."

"...Oh. Anko-san." While outwardly calm, Ino's heart didn't just jump into her throat, it leaped into the top of her skull. She turned pale and started shaking as she asked a second question.

"W-what else did she give you?" Ino wanted to cry, Anko could easily steal any man from any woman that she wanted. If Ino needed three dates, Anko needed 10 minutes and a fresh bed.

"As far as I know, just a hickey." Naruto's hairs suddenly stood on end as he felt a chill run through his body. He used his free hand to check himself and noticed a slip of paper in his pocket he unfolded it and read.

_I've got a surprise for you, Naru-chan. Bring bandages!_

_~ Anko-sensei_

Naruto's thoughts snapped back to how he and Anko met, and his skin went cold as he started to shiver.

Ino looked at Naruto's rather unreadable expression and read the slip of paper, looking more horrified with each word. She and Naruto began to look around frantically. They both checked behind themselves and saw the back of a very familiar trench coat. Without stopping, Anko looked back at Naruto and smirked as she licked her lips with her… _abnormally long_ tongue. She appeared to be headed toward the Hokage's tower.

Ino unconsciously tightened her hold on Naruto's arm as they watched her retreating form disappear into the crowd.

"Naruto, I don't think I can protect you from Anko-san."

"It's all just a joke to her."

"I seriously doubt that. Didn't you see how she was looking at you?"

"Meh, she gets a kick out of scaring me. It can't mean anything."

Ino relaxed a bit, she giggled and let go of Naruto. He jumped a tad when Ino pinched his cheeks as she spoke. "I'll let you figure it out Naruto. It's fun to watch you fumble around with obvious things."

"Obvious?"

"Well, more cute than obvious." Ino laughed looked deep into Naruto's eyes as she smiled, this made Naruto blush a little. "Don't worry about it, Naruto-kun."

Ino inwardly thought to herself. '_It won't matter. I have it all figured out, even __**with **__Anko-san after you. Just three "dates".'_

Naruto felt reassured for some reason, so they continued to walk down the street hand in hand, turning heads of men and women alike. Ino had a huge smirk on her face; everything was going according to plan, Anko notwithstanding. She deliberately chose this sushi bar because it was on a crowded intersection, Ino wanted to make sure as many people as possible saw them. She didn't even like sushi, but the fact that she was on a "date" with Naruto, and the guarantee that he would be playing along made it all worthwhile. The entire point of this outing was to create a buzz.

Naruto tensed a bit as they walked past a women's clothing store, girls started to file out as the "couple" passed. Ino mouthed "don't worry" to Naruto and pushed her breasts into his arm, he tensed even more. This caused Ino to smirk at the jealous females as she gave them a spiteful flip of her hair.

Naruto looked on in awe as there wasn't a single word said to him by any girl as they walked toward their destination. Ino was stunning, though she'd only had about 45 seconds to get ready for a date, nobody would have been able to tell unless they saw exactly what she did. The village girls, be they ninja or civilian, piled on top of each other at the entrance of the clothing store. They stared in downtrodden silence as Naruto and Ino walked toward their destination. Naruto's sharp ears could hear their whispering.

"How do I compete with her?"

"That's Ice-Queen Ino, of course she'd get to him first."

"He's mine as soon as she kicks him to the curb."

"Why's everyone go after _her_ first?"

"Oh, so the one guy she _doesn't _turn down just _has _to be him?"

Naruto looked down at Ino, whose mind was elsewhere at the moment, so he chose to break the silence.

"I take it you're even _more_ popular with guys now?"

Ino postponed the planning of "Operation: Naruto" for a moment to answer the question.

Ino exhaled and nodded. "Yeah. I'm not even going to be modest. It's kinda funny actually. I have my pick of whomever I want, but every guy I like is either taken or has… _**different **_preferences. Of the two guys I've dated since you left, both of them just saw me as a conquest, so I cut them loose rather abruptly… guess that's how I got my nickname."

Naruto grabbed his chin. "I _think_ I understand. Sort of."

Ino looked at the crowd of girls following Naruto and herself. "You'll be in my position in about a week, you'll understand then."

Naruto's stomach growled. "Hey! That's the place right?"

"I believe so."

* * *

Sakura's day wasn't exactly going as planned. She'd always found it weird that Naruto garnered as much attention as he did from such immensely powerful people. From the day she learned that Jiraiya was training him for the chuunin exams, to the moment she learned that he was responsible for bringing Tsunade back to the village.

Now, Tsunade wanted to talk to him, and it's apparently so Important that not even she could hear about it. It was funny that Sakura had known Naruto for so long, yet had known nothing about him. She'd been to his house, she'd been to the training ground, even Ichiraku's ramen stand. Not a single trace of orange.

Sakura reflected on her conversation with Ino the previous day, almost crying in embarrassment as she described how she'd fainted in front of all those people. And then how she threw Naruto out with a bogus excuse, Ino just laughed the whole time. _"Told you so!" _She really did tell her so, when Ino, _especially Ino, _says that someone is hot, it's usually an understatement. When someone was capable of meeting the "_Ice Queen of Konoha's_" expectations, you listened. Sakura didn't and she payed for it. Ugh, Kakashi and Naruto would never let her live it down.

She walked down the main street, hoping to the gods that she'd run into Naruto today. She was a little worried in fact, especially considering that when she used her key to Naruto's apartment, it was borderline empty. There was almost nothing, even the beds had been stripped. She'd wondered if he moved out, but some of his things were still there, so that couldn't be the case.

As Sakura aimlessly walked down the street, she noticed a line of women wrapping around the corner, and coming down the dusty street toward her. As far as Sakura knew, there weren't any sales on hot new fasions or anything else stereotypically girly, believe me, Sakura would have known. In fact, she'd have been first in line.

Sakura's ears twitched when she heard the word "Naruto". She practically ran up the street and around the corner. The line was coming from a sushi bar, and between the line and the other women fighting to get to the window, there wasn't much to see.

"Naruto must be eating in there."

'_**SHANNARO! GET THOSE BITCHES AWAY FROM HIM! HE'S MIIIIIINE!'**_

Sakura shook her head. She'd started speaking her mind ages ago, her inner persona shouldn't even have existed anymore.

'Where'd that come from? I thought I was done holding in my true thoughts and emotions.' Sakura thought to herself in confusion.

'_**Eh? **__**YOU'RE SO DENSE!'**_

Sakura inwardly frowned. 'I'm not lying to myself, so what _IS_ that?!' She considered going to get examined for schizophrenia, but finding Naruto came first. She walked up to the crowded entrance and yelled.

"OI, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!" The girls all jumped and parted to allow Sakura to see the door. She saw several waiters and waitresses trying to hold the door shut. Sakura walked up to the door and smiled as she daintily tapped on the glass.

"I need to get in. It's official ninja business. You can let me in, or I'll let myself in."

The staff wisely let Sakura pass, but immediately shut the door behind her. The next thing Sakura saw annoyed her, to say the least. Ino was feeding Naruto hosomaki rolls. This was supposed to be Sakura's day off, and her master summons her for work at noon, and here Naruto was stuffing his face, and _Ino _was stuffing it for him.

Sakura wrinkled her nose. "Piggy-chan? Why're you here?"

Ino didn't look up as she popped another sushi roll into Naruto's mouth.

"Naruto offered to take me to lunch, so in return, I'm playing his girlfriend for the day to keep the local fan club off him. Open wide!"

Naruto opened wide and swallowed the roll whole.

"Oi baka! Chew your food!"

"Hey Sakura-chan! Did you come to eat too?"

"No. I'm here to tell you that Hokage-sama wants to see you ASAP."

Naruto stopped looking like a chipmunk when he swallowed the remainder of the sushi.

"Oh thanks! Oi Ino, this'll be enough to cover for both of you if Sakura want's something too." He dropped some bills on the table and stood up from the booth. Naruto effortlessly picked Sakura up by the shoulders, as if she were a small child. Sakura took a sharp breath as her cheeks turned a bit pink at the sudden contact and weightlessness, reminding her of the day before.

"I need to get past, Sakura-chan."

"Oh. S-sorry."

Naruto then turned to the side and plopped her down.

Naruto gave her a hearty smile. "Have something to eat, I insist."

Naruto looked great, especially with the way the light was hitting him. Sakura went into a full on blush as Naruto walked to the door.

Luckily he didn't see it, he was currently staring at the restaurant staff, they were still trying to hold the door shut. He sheepishly scratched the back of his head, and used a shunshin to go to the Hokage's Tower.

Sakura looked at Ino suspiciously as she sat down. "What're you planning, Piggy-chan?"

Ino smirked. "Let me lay it out for you, Forehead."

* * *

Next up: Anko's surprise, and Ino's analysis of Sakura's character flaws. Many laughs and plenty of Drama to come!

_~ Breath of the Wiz_


	9. Chapter 9

AN: DBTiger63, thanks for asking these questions. I've given the facets of the story you mentioned in your reviews a bit more thought. Orange Flash is going to bounce between comedy, drama, and action. These first 8 chapters were more for testing the water with the characters and my comedic timing. I can understand that the pacing is a little slow, so I'll pick it up. Also, I hope that this chapter will answer some of (not all of them, that's for later) your questions about Naruto and his obliviousness, even though he spent 2.5 years with Jiraiya. Let's get going.

* * *

Tsunade was thumbing through some paperwork while Jiraiya stood in front of her desk, she was too busy working to realize that he was staring at her cleavage.

"So uh, why exactly did you summon me?"

Tsunade didn't look up as she answered Jiraiya. "Two things really. I never got a full report from you on Naruto's progress, mainly due to his… obnoxious entrance into my office. I'll need more details since he doesn't want to be evaluated."

"Right. I'll be honest; I didn't take his training too seriously for the first year or so. I'd just give him something to work on for the day, and then I'd check his progress."

"Hands off training... You were at the brothels the whole time, weren't you?"

Jiraiya puffed out his chest. "You know me too well, Tsunade-hime."

She crumpled a sheet of paper and tossed it into the trash bin behind the Toad Sage. "Keep it brief, we only have a few minutes."

"'Till what?"

"One thing at a time, Jiraiya. What happened next?"

"Well, he asked me if I could help him more effectively utilize the Kyuubi's chakra, so I loosened his seal a tiny bit."

Tsunade stopped working and looked worriedly at Jiraiya. "That was a bad idea I assume?"

"Yup. He drew too much the first time, and gave me this." Jiraiya poined to a spot on his chain mail, upon closer examination, Tsunade could see through the links. There were claw marks scarred into his chest.

"I was able to stop him before he reached any nearby villages, but that was only the beginning. After I loosened the seal, that foul chakra was constantly leaking and mixing with his own in far greater quantities than before."

"He seems fine now."

"He only got it under control about two months ago. The Kyuubi would often take over his body at night and run off, ever since I loosened the seal, he said that it can freely speak to him, even in his sleep. That's why we had to stay in the wilderness for the past year and a half, as a result… his social skills got a little rusty."

"As if Naruto-chan ever had any… So, what other complications were there?"

"He happened to have just hit puberty when I loosened it, so there's a good chance the fox will alter his growth, I'll let you know if I catch on to something strange."

"Last thing Jiraiya. In terms of jutsu and other new abilities, what have you to say of his overall improvement?"

"With some liberal abuse of Shadow clones, I was able to teach him some wind release techniques, but I can only teach the brat so much, seeing as my elemental affinities are for earth and fire. I'll have to find someone else to teach him."

Tsunade scratched her head. "Wind? That's rare in this village… I'll look into it later. Have either of you made any progress on deciphering the seal to the Hiraishin?"

"I gave him the two Kunai Minato left to me specifically for that purpose. I can't crack it, so maybe a pair of fresh eyes will make more progress on it. Hell, he's already figured out how to _**use**_ them, only a matter of time before he can preform the jutsu on his own. Oh, I almost forgot! We've also been working on a way to combine elemental chakra with the Rasengan, but we haven't had much luck with it."

A voice suddenly came from the windowsill. "I've also attempted to complete the Rasengan in such a way."

Tsunade swiveled her chair around and sarcastically addressed the young man. "Nice of you to join us, Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi eye smiled. "Sorry about the tardiness Hokage-sama, a black cat crossed my path and-"

Tsunade smirked. "It's fine, I told _you_ 10 o'clock, everyone else I told to be here at 12:30, your actually early."

Kakashi chuckled as he scratched the back of his head.

Jiraiya spoke to him. "Makes sense that you'd know the Rasengan too. What'd you learn from your attempt?"

Kakashi casually formed a Rasengan in his hand as he spoke. "It's the reason I came up with Chidori, I couldn't combine them, the jutsu becomes unstable as soon as you add other forms of chakra to it. If there were a practical way combine them all at the same time, it'd probably work."

Kakashi clenched his hand and the glowing ball dispursed into the air. "Maybe shadow cl-"

Kakashi train of thought was interrupted as Naruto… ugh, _fucking Naruto_, brazenly kicked the door in.

"OI BAA-CHAN! WHAT'CHA NEED?" Much like the day before, the trained killers in the room reacted just as you'd expect of them. Kakashi rolled his eye, and Tsunade threw her desk(again). Jiraiya was hit square in the face by the mahogany furniture, and was launched toward the closing door, and Naruto. Between Jiraiya and the desk, Naruto didn't have much room to dodge, so he just decided to cut his losses and eat it.

Jiraiya hit Naruto, they hit the door (which flew off the hinges), then they hit the elevator door, then the desk hit _them_… and exploded…

Anyway…Steam was coming off of Tsunade's forehead as she stomped over and pulled Naruto's head out of the indentation in the elevator door. She lifted him by the back of his haori as she made her trademark Scary Face.

Her voice boomed throughout the entire top floor. "I'm _also _taking this out of your next paycheck. Now sit down, and shut up, am I clear?" She threw him at the couch and went back out to pull Jiraiya out of the elevator door.

Naruto landed with his face stuck between the cushions, his voice was muffled as he asked a question. "Oi, Kakashi-sensei, why're we all here?"

"Special mission I'd assume. I would go buy supplies after this if I were you."

"Awesome!" Naruto jumped up from the couch and cracked his knuckles.

Tsunade, visibly frustrated, dragged Jiraiya back into the room and dropped him on the rug. She noticed Naruto standing up, looking anxious, so without breaking stride, she flicked his forhead protector. There was a loud ping, and Naruto was sent flying back into the couch. He dislodged his head from the cushions once more and pouted as he sat down.

Tsunade exhaled in exasperation as she spoke. "The others should be here in a few minutes."

Jiraiya, now fully recovered from his minor concussion stood up. "Why are we here again? _I lost my train of thought." _Jiraiya narrowed his eyes at Tsunade and Naruto respectively.

Tsunade put a finger over her mouth and motioned around the compromised room. Kakashi hopped off the windowsill and closed it, and Jiraiya picked the detached door off of the floor and awkwardly placed it back on the hinges, but if fell off after Jiraiya turned to face the Hokage. He just shrugged at her in response.

Tsunade plopped down in her chair and face-palmed. When she looked back up, she was dead serious. "My spy network has informed me that Orochimaru and Sasuke are operating in Wave Country. However, they haven't reported in since Naruto's come back. I'm sending you all to investigate."

Kakashi spoke up. "Hokage-sama, you said there'd be others, who else are you sending with us?"

Naruto also voiced his opinion. "I think Sakura should come with us."

Tsunade put her hand up in protest. "I've thought about it, and I beleive she'll be an emotional liability if I were to send her with you. I know enough about her relationship with Sasuke to say so with certainty. I assure you, it wasn't an arbitrary decision."

Naruto stood up. "But! It would-"

Kakashi gestured to get Naruto's attention and quieted the young ninja with a shake of his head. "It's too dangerous to have her with us. It's risky enough bringing you."

Tsunade concurred. "Exactly. The others should be here any-"

Perfectly on cue, Mitsuki opened the door… which then fell off the hinges again. She looked back and forth between the Hokage and the door as she walked into the center of the room. Jiraya stared at her ass the whole time.

"My apologies Hokage-sama, but I believe that the door was broken before I arrived, likely due to the remains of a desk in the hallway... and the destroyed elevator. I had to take the stairs."

Kakashi mocked the raven-haired woman. "Mitsuki, you're slipping, I got here before you did."

She smirked at Kakashi and bantered back at him. "It doesn't count if you were supposed to be here two hours ago. I'm aware of how people get you to be somewhere on time, Kakashi-taichou."

"Eh? Mitsuki-chan, how do you and Kakashi-sensei know each other?"

"That's a story for another time, Namikaze-sama."

Kakashi looked surprised for a second. "So Naruto knows who he is now?"

"I maintain the Uzumaki Estate and also serve as his bodyguard, Kakashi-taichou."

"So this is what you've been doing since you withdrew from ANBU."

"And you've been keeping an eye on Namikaze-sama since you retired."

Tsunade interrupted the reunion to get everyone back on task. "Now, if our other addition would show-"

This is when the window shattered and Anko came flying in, everyone except Tsunade remained motionless… Tsunade threw her chair in the direction of the sound.

Anko deftly dodged the chair and landed on her feet, the chair on the other hand… continued to sail out the shattered window. A shriek, laden with pain echoed from the streets below.

Anko mused as she picked Tsunade up in a bear hug. "That's not very nice, Tsunade-Nee-chan."

"Not now Anko." Tsunade pointed to the couch next to Naruto, Anko didn't even protest, she got excited in fact.

Naruto turned pale as Anko sat across his lap and greeted him with a pinch on his cheek, she whispered in his ear.

"It's a shame you wore a shirt today, _Naru-chan_… Did you happen to get those bandages yet?"

Tsunade drew everyone's attention. "I've called all of you here just in case any of you have objections toward the personnel of this team."

Naruto to tried to speak but Anko shoved his face into her cleavage, so no one noticed.

Tsunade continued.

"Good then. I've carefully chosen each of you based on your knowledge of Orochimaru and Sasuke respectively, and also because of your given skillsets. Shikamaru is also going with you; he'll meet you at the main gate in one hour. NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE I BREAK SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO **YOU **THIS TIME!"

* * *

_*Somewhere else in Konoha_

Ino smirked at Sakura. "How do you feel about Naruto, Forehead-chan?"

"He's a great fri-"

Ino cut her off. "Friend? That's great… because I'm attracted to Naruto, and I'm going to steal him from you."

Sakura frowned at her lap. "Two things, first, Naruto's not my boyfriend, and second; that's pretty shallow, Piggy-chan. Are you going through with all this because you think he's cute?"

There was a long pause as Sakura adjusted her gloves, waiting for Ino's reply. It came, but it wasn't what she expected to hear.

"I should ask you the same question about Sasuke, you fucking hypocrite."

Sakura quickly stood up in anger, prepared to slap Ino across the face, but when she saw her friend's expression, she froze in terror. Ino didn't make that face unless she was about to _really_ tear into someone.

Ino took a deep breath and glared at Sakura as she spoke in a deceptively even tone.

"Yes, I think it's cute that he loves you more than you can comprehend. I think it's cute that Naruto loves you enough to waste his time chasing a lost cause of a man, _**just**_ because it would make you happy. I think it's cute that he dedicated his existence to your happiness. So yes, **_I FIND NARUTO CUTE_**!"

The staff in the restaurant began to stare at the two kunoichi, but Ino didn't care. Sakura tried to stop her, hoping to point out that this wasn't the place to do this sort of thing, but the ball had already begun rolling.

Ino's voice wavered in frustration. "I would kill for someone who could love me that way, and I'd love him right back. You don't seem to understand, people only see me as a trophy, a conquest; do you know who _wouldn't_ do that? Naruto. I've been around sixteen years, and up until today, I've only ever chased after one guy before. Know who that is, Sakura?"

Sakura answered under her breath. "Sasuke."

"And how much of a shit did he give about any of us?" Ino paused to let it sink in.

"Naruto on the other hand gives **too** much of a shit, and of all people, it has to be about _**you**_! **WHY YOU?! IT'S SO STUPID!** He's the most good-natured and loyal guy in the world, I could tell that much since **_before_** the Chuunin Exams ended!"

Ino took a deep breath to calm herself, but it didn't seem to work.

"I'd have been chasing him three years ago if he weren't so immature at the time, but look at him now. Naruto doesn't just look different, he's matured as a person. I don't have to wait on him anymore! Naruto has everything that I want in a partner, physical appearance aside!"

Ino paused and took another breath, but she appeared to get even angrier when she continued to speak.

"We both know how important he is to you, but what I don't get, is why you're letting him waste his time like this! Do you really love Sasuke that much? Have you even asked Naruto what he truly wanted to do?... If there were no promise, what would **he** want to do about Sasuke, ever think of that?"

Ino stood up and scowled down at Sakura, her voice was full of vitriol.

"When I visited the Sasuke Retreival Team in the hospital, I saw Naruto's Jacket hanging in the corner. There was a hole in it, about the size of a fist. We both know what did that, but just to make sure, I took a peek at Naruto's short-term memory. I saw their fight… all of it."

Sakura was beginning to tear up. "I-Ino… i get it okay, just-."

The blonde slammed the table. "I don't think you do. SASUKE TRIED TO KILL HIM! DO YOU REALLY LOVE THAT TRAITOR ENOUGH TO LET THAT SLIDE?!"

Sakura just stared at the table, there was a long pause.

"Answer me! I just want to understand what's going through that big forehead of yours!"

Sakura just sat there, trying desperately to hold herself together. Ino picked up on this and calmed down.

"If someone here is shallow, it's you, Sakura. I can't forgive you if Naruto gets himself hurt over this, or even worse... killed." With that, Ino promptly left the restaurant, she just wanted to go somewhere, away from both Sakura _**and**_ Naruto.

Sakura's tears were starting to flow as she watched Ino storm out. She managed to keep it together as she used the bills on the table to pay for the food, after which, she went on her way.

When Sakura got home, she plopped down on her bed, and cried her eyes out.

**_FIN_**

* * *

Thanks for reading. The second half was difficult to write, and I may tweak it a bit, but I think I conveyed Ino's frustration at Sakura's hypocrisy as needed. Next time there's going to be some action, and even more drama as Anko delves into Naruto's reluctance to accept a woman's affections(kinkiness aside. :D).

~ Breath of the Wiz


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Chapter 10. Most of the girls will be out of the picture for a while, so this short arc (3 more chapters **at most**) will focus on developing Naruto's relationship with the older women in this love-dodecahedron (In case you haven't been paying attention, that's Mitsuki and Anko). For now, let's get the ball rolling.

* * *

The Wave Investigation team hastily set out to prepare for their mission. Naruto used shunshin and appeared in his room, a look of determination adorned his face. He went to his nightstand and pulled his father's Kunai out and stabbed it into the bedpost. He reached his finger through the loop, and like that, he was on a very familiar hill. Naruto looked around, he could feel a darkness looming over the peaceful fishing village, everything, from the trees in the distance, to two graves behind him felt eerie. He stared at Haku's marker for a moment, but his mind snapped back to his promise to Sakura.

Naruto cracked his neck and plucked the Kunai from the ground, and in a yellow flash, he was back in his room. He put the matching 3-Pronged Kunai on his bed and went into his closet, where Mitsuki had recently moved his things.

Naruto stripped down and grabbed a mail vest. He pulled it on and then fished through the closet for his lucky orange shirt. He pulled the long-sleeved tee over his head, and checked the seals woven into the left sleeve. All of the weapons and camping supplies were accounted for, so he looked for the rest of his Ninja attire, chiefly the armor plates for his right arm. On the shelf above his clothing, he saw a box with the 'NON-WASHABLE' on it. He hopped up and snatched it off the shelf and rifled through it. He pulled out his black and orange forearm guards and slipped his hands into the attached gloves.

Lastly, he fastened his black, gold, and red shoulder-plate onto his right. He wiped a smudge off of the spiral Kyuubi insignia and tapped it. Some additional armor plates fell down and covered his right upper-arm. Naruto pumped some chakra into the Kyuubi symbol, and out poofed his orange bladed ninjato, and he fastened it around his waist.

Mitsuki poked her head in the doorway and wordlessly tossed Naruto his orange ankle-wraps and his flak jacket, Naruto smiled in reply as she disappeared back into the spacious bedroom.

Naruto was about to walk out of the closet, but he saw his black Haori on the floor. It was inside out, and he noticed that it was reversible. The other side was exactly the same, save for the coloring and the kanji on the back. It was white, with the same orange flames licking the bottom, and the golden kanji inscribed in the spiral said _'Foxy'. _Naruto would have laughed, but A booming voice ruined the idea.

'_**I like it… You do take after me a bit. Huh Kit?'**_

'_Eh? Shut up.'_

'_**Or what?'**_

Naruto sighed and addressed his freeloading inner-demon as he walked out of his closet.

'_I'll muzzle you again!'_

'_**I haven't said anything in quite some time, what's got you on PMS?'**_

'_I enjoy having my thoughts to myself from time to time. Reminded me of when you couldn't talk to me at will.'_

'_**What could it possibly be that has you so pumped up? It's kind of annoying.'**_

'_The hell? Like you can talk about annoying! Why do you even care?'_

'_**First, you're the only thing I can interact with. You won't mate with any females for reasons unknown to me. I can feel my intelligence ebb away with every passing hour, and you haven't done anything worthwhile in the past two years. That's a long time, regardless of life-span, especially when you're trapped in another body. So yes, you've forced me to take at least some level of interest in your social life, it's the only form of entertainment I have.'**_

Naruto scratched his head and replied to the demon. _'Okay. Well, I have an S-Rank mission to investigate sightings of Orochimaru and Sasuke.'_

Naruto could feel the demon's chakra spike as he laughed and clawed at his cage. _**'Are you gonna let me come out and play? HAHAHA! I CAN'T WAIT TO RIP THAT SLITHERING FOOL TO SHREDS! YOU'RE BOYFRIEND IS ALSO ON THE GUILLOTINE!'**_

Naruto shook his head. _'That's why you __**can't **__come out and play, you damned fox.'_

The Kyuubi's booming laughter echoed through Naruto's skull. _**'We'll see about that, Naruto.'**_

Naruto frowned as the Kyuubi's roaring laughter faded into silence. He walked over to his bed and pulled his sleeveless haori over his flak jacket. He stared at the matching three-pronged-kunai on the bed, and put them in his thigh holsters. Ready to leave, Naruto used shunshin and appeared at the front gate. He was still 20 minutes early, so he opted to go to the ninja equipment store and buy some explosive tags, he would need them should the need to fight Sasuke arrive.

* * *

Sasuke groaned as he was awakened from his nap for the 4th time. He was lying on the roof of a hidden cabin, he wanted to catch some sleep before he resumed his training, but the old snake was busy torturing (and likely experimenting on) a leaf spy he captured.

Sasuke could care less if it weren't for the fact that the man's constant screaming was keeping him awake. Sasuke cursed as he hopped down and opened the door. He passed Kabuto, who was sharpening his scalpel on the kitchen table, and went into the basement.

"Oi, Orochimaru."

The pale man turned around, slightly annoyed, as he seemed to really be enjoying the torture session.

"What is it, Sasuke-kun?"

"Is there really any point in torturing this man?"

Orochimaru gave Sasuke a patronizing smile, his shiny fangs made Sasuke feel unsettled. "Why the sudden bout of compassion, Sasuke-kun?"

"I'm trying to sleep."

"Oh. Well, I've had my fun." Orochimaru slowly turned to the writhing man in the chair, he made Sasuke twitch when he abruptly snapped the leaf ninja's neck.

Sasuke, stared at the twitching body in mild disgust as he asked another question. "Why did you bring me to Wave country if we're not even staying in Kirigakure? This is a fishing village."

"If you really must know Sasuke-kun, we're going to steal the Kinjutsu scroll from the Ninja village. Staying in close proximity to the target would be… problematic."

"We didn't have to stay in a place with such horrible accommodations, this house doesn't even have a bed. The only thing in this entire village worth a thought is the bridge, which I almost died on a while back."

Orochimaru laughed. "We'll make our move in due time Sasuke-kun. For now, we must figure out what to do about the reinforcements that the leaf will inevitably be sending since I was unable to catch all of this poor man's friends." He gestured at the still twitching body.

Sasuke considered the possibility that Tsunade would send Naruto and Jiraiya after him, surprisingly, he was somewhat interested in fighting Naruto once again. The Uchiha sauntered out of the basement and gave Kabuto a sideways look. Sasuke asked a question, it was the same question he'd asked every day since he'd defected to the old snake for training.

"What's for dinner?"

Kabuto didn't even look up as he inspected his other ninja tools. "Foodpills."

"Fuck."

Sasuke would be going into town for food that day.

* * *

Naruto had been browsing the effect tags for kunai for 15 minutes until he noticed a tuft of hair sticking out from behind a shelf in the back. He grinned and yelled, much to the annoyance of the other ninja in the building.

"OI SHIKAMARU!"

The tuft of hair jumped and Naruto could hear a small laugh.

Shikamaru walked out from behind the shelf, holding some smoke bombs. "What's up Naruto!"

"I hear you're on the mission with us!"

"Yeah, the Hokage wanted my recommendation on personnel for this mission. I don't know who this Mitsuki person is though, the Hokage added her to the team."

"She used to be ANBU with Kakashi, she's also my bodyguard now."

"Bodyguards? You gettin' soft Naruto?"

Naruto punched Shikamaru in the shoulder. "Not on your life Pineapple-Head!"

Shikamaru exhaled as he rubbed his shoulder. "Troublesome… We can catch up on the way to Kiri, for now, pay for your stuff and we'll meet everyone outside. Five minutes 'till we leave."

Shikamaru exited the store and Naruto grabbed some explosive tags, some smoke tags, and some expensive ones labeled 'Lighting Rod', apparently it would absorb chakra from Raiton techniques.

Naruto turned to an older ninja in the store.

"Do these work?"

"Sometimes ... I think they're from Kumo."

"Okay, Thanks."

Naruto purchased his tags and exited the store. As he walked to the gate, he could see the team materializing. He looked at Anko, who was twirling some bandages around her finger. When she noticed Naruto's gaze, she winked at him. Naruto turned a little red and cleared his throat as he walked over to the group, everyone excepting Kakashi and Jiraya appeared to be present.

Naruto was about to ask, but Jiraiya appeared in a swirl of leaves, carrying Kakashi like a sack of potatoes. Kakashi was reading his porn and didn't appear to notice or care that he was literally being carried along.

Shikamaru spoke first. "I assume we all know each other?"

The group nodded, and Shikamaru looked toward Mitsuki.

"You're Mitsuki right?"

She nodded.

"What kind of Jutsu do you specialize in?"

"Genjutsu and taijutsu."

"Any trumph cards or secret techniques?"

"It's a surprise."

"Fine, but we did need a genjutsu specialist. Once we reach the Great Naruto Bridge, I'll give further details."

Jiraiya spoke up. "Naruto Bridge?"

Kakashi hopped off of Jiraiya's shoulder and closed his book as he answered the Toad Sage's question.

"Team 7's first real mission was to ensure the completion of that bridge. Naruto was instrumental in said completion, so the people named it after him."

Jiraiya smiled at Naruto, who was still buried in Anko's cleavage and ruffled his hair. "I learn something new every day, you failed to mention that one, Gaki."

Naruto wasn't struggling, it was this, or another hickey, but it's not like he was complaining. Whatever scent Crazy Snake Lady was wearing smelled pretty good. Anko let Naruto go after a few more seconds and began to walk toward the gate.

"That's enough standin' around! Let's go!" With that Anko jumped to the nearest tree branch and waited for everyone else to follow suit.

Naruto straightened his haori and cracked his neck. "You heard her! Let's get movin'!"

As the team blasted through the tree tops, Naruto thought about the early days of Team 7, back when things actually made sense.

"Sasuke-teme, I'm dragging you back here this time whether you want to or not. Sakura won't have to cry over you any more, dattebayo."

* * *

The retreival team sprinted from tree to tree at a breakneck pace, trying to cover as much ground as possible before sunset. As they were chasing the disappearing sun, Jiraiya was the first to question the frantic pace of travel.

"Shikamaru, we're a recon team, right?"

"Correct."

"At this rate, we'll be in wave by sundown. I figure it would be better for us to avoid Orochimaru until we have a plan. It's likely he'd be hiding in the fishing village next to the bridge to make escaping an easy task."

"I know, I just want us close enough so that we can move into the village at a moments notice."

After several more minutes of jumping, Shikamaru saw the bridge peer over the horizon, to his right, he spotted, about 3 miles to his right, a tiny clearing in the forest. He pointed to it and issued his orders.

"We'll set up camp over there!"

Naruto thought for a second. "Shikamaru, I know someone who'll take us in!"

"Not today. We can't risk getting spotted in the village until it's absolutely necessary."

The team made it to the clearing and caught their breath for a few minutes until Shikamaru started speaking again.

"Set up camp and we'll discuss the plan for tomorrow."

The six ninja set up some tents and a camp fire. Naruto sat in his tent as he began unsealing kunai from his sleeve seals. He spent several minutes attaching the explosive and smoke tags to the kunai, but he miscounted the number of seals he bought at the store. He used up all his kunai for the smoke and explosive tags and didn't have enough left to test the lightning rods on. Naruto crawled out of his tent.

"Oi, Kakashi-sensei!" Kakashi appeared in front of Naruto.

"Yo."

"I need you to test these lightning rod tags for me."

"How?"

"Can you shoot lightning at it or something?"

Kakashi raised his eyebrow at Naruto.

Naruto's puppydog eyes watered. "Pleeeeeeeeaaaaase!"

Kakashi sighed and pointed. "Fine. Stick it to that tree and we'll see what happens."

Naruto jumped over to the designated tree and stuck the tag to it and ran behind Kakashi. The rest of the camp began to stare in their direction as Kakashi started sparking with electricity.

"Are you gonna use Raikiri on it?"

"Not exactly."

Kakashi pointed at the tag and the Raikiri leapt off of Kakashi's hand. It appeared as a hound made of pure lightning and in a flash, it crashed into the tree with and explosion of electricity. The tag appeared to suck the cloud of electricity into it and began to glow shortly afterward. Kakashi raised an eyebrow in amusement and shot another hound at the seal, which again, absorbed the attack. Seconds later however, the tag burst into flames and the released electricity fried the tree to a crisp.

Kakashi held his chin. "So they store electricity until they overload? Interesting, where'd you get these, Naruto?"

Naruto shrugged. "The store next to the gate sells them, apparently they're from Kumogakure."

"They'll be useful if you have to fight Sasuke."

"Yeah. That's what I thought, but I don't have enough Kunai for them."

"Sorry Naruto, I can't spare any. Maybe you could just attach them to your flak jacket and Haori? If you have enough, they may not explode on you."

"Good idea!"

Shikamaru and Mitsuki got up from the fire pit and walked over to Naruto and Kakashi.

Mitsuki stared at the tree as she talked. "Those would be even more useful if it weren't for the exploding part."

Shikamaru looked at Naruto. "Naruto, could you give me one of those?"

"Yeah, sure." Naruto handed one to Shikamaru, and he walked over to his tent. Naruto noticed Mitsuki was staring at him, like she was expecting something.

"What is it Mitsuki-chan?"

"Anko's nowhere to be found, just thought I should let you know."

"It's fine, she likes to mess with me, but it's never anything too bad."

"Anko doesn't joke around Namikaze-sama, you'd better mentally prepare yourself for whatever she has in store for you."

**_'If you screw this up, I'm going to TAKE. OVER. YOUR BODY.'_**

_'Nani? Just shut up for a second, I'm in the middle of a conversation!'_

"Can't you do something about it? ... Oh, I know! Pretend to be my girlfriend or something!"

"Namikaze-sama, even if I did do that, it wouldn't matter to her. I suggest you just let it happen, it's kind of... inevitable."

"Eh? Let what happen?"

_**'Fucking moron.'**_

_'Shut up!'_

Mitsuki sighed and Kakashi face-palmed."Namikaze-sama, I think you should spend some time with her, she'll make you less... dense."

_**'And less socially inept. You're like the retarded cub that the mother leaves to die.'**_

_'That was... mean... even for you... Maybe Kakashi-sensei will understand!'_

Naruto pouted at Kakashi, who looked back and forth between Naruto and Mitsuki.

Kakashi gave a nonchalant "... Not my problem." and went over to the camp fire to heat his food up.

"Namikaze-sama, as your bodyguard and caretaker, I'm ordering you to spend some time with Anko-san, it'll be good for you."

Naruto's big blue eyes watered as he pleaded to Mitsuki. "Can't you teach me instead?"

Mitsuki turned a bit red in the cheeks for a moment as she thought Naruto was serious, but after several seconds passed, she caught on. The green-eyed ninja gasped, and fake-swooned. "Oh, Namikaze-sama, what would the other maids say?!" Mitsuki chuckled some more as a gust of wind blew by, it ruffled her long and wild black hair, her neon green eyes sucked Naruto in as she looked at him. She somehow failed to notice Naruto gawking at her smiling face.

_'Ya know, she's really pretty.'_ Naruto was snapped out of his thoughts right then when Mitsuki pinched his cheek. "Right now, I'd prefer to keep our relationship professional, but thanks for offering. Perhaps I'll reconsider should my duty to serve and protect you be annulled."

Naruto's face snapped into confusion. "Nani? I don't unders-"

She sighed. "Like I said, just let it happen, you'll thank me later."

Naruto's teeth chattered in the wind as Mitsuki walked back over to the fire. Naruto could feel a pair of eyes watching him, he was afraid, very afraid.

* * *

AN: Anko's gonna make use of those bandages next time, and without Mitsuki protecting him, Naruto's in for an educational night. It's needless to say that his ability to read social cues has deteriorated(it's debatable whether or not he ever had that ability to begin with.), and Anko's going to do some serious educating, that's for sure. Guaranteed lemon, and maybe some drama... if it's a good idea. Until next time.

~ Breath of the Wiz, _Signin' Off._


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Here it is... you perverts...

* * *

The sky was alight with beautiful stars as Shikamaru called everyone over to the campfire to issue instructions for the following day.

"Jiraiya-sama, I want you to go to Kirigakure tomorrow and do some digging on our missing team. After you're done looking around, notify the Mizukage of our mission, she may be able to help you. I'm sending you alone because you're the only one that would be able to deal with Orochimaru in the worst-case scenario. Everyone else, run away."

"The rest of you will look for leads in the fishing village across the bridge. Naruto and Kakashi, I want you to find out who would know about a missing ninja staying in their village. Orochimaru doesn't operate in Wave Country, so he has to have a contact here. Anko and Mitsuki, I want you two to find _**us**_ some contacts, anybody that you'd deem useful."

"Now, any questions?"

Mitsuki raised her hand. "If we encounter sound ninja, should we kill or capture them?"

Shikamaru though for a second. "We only need one sound ninja, so if you capture a group, pick out the one that would know the most information and do as you wish with the rest."

Mitsuki nodded in reply.

"Anyone else? … Alright, wake up by 9:00 sharp tomorrow and get moving, Orochimaru will only be here for so much longer since he likely knows we're coming."

The group split off into their tents and went to sleep for the night.

* * *

Of course, Naruto didn't have it that easy. He had that dream again, the one where he was Hokage, and was married to Haku. Naruto, at this point, had experienced this singular dream so many times, that he would become lucid. Within several minutes, he would figure out that he was asleep, and such revelations made the image of an adult Haku, all the more painful to see. Naruto woke himself up by jumping out of the Hokage Tower window. He snapped awake just as he hit the ground and was staring at the roof of his tent.

Naruto sat there for an hour, it was obvious that he'd have some serious trouble going back to sleep, so he got out of his tent and went on a stroll through the forest. Naruto felt at peace for the first time since he'd gotten back to Konoha, the cool wind had a relaxing pull to it, so he followed the sensation to a small pond. He was already barefoot, so he took off his ankle wraps and stuck his feet into the cold water, he also splashed it on his face. Naruto just sat there, taking in the silence…

But then, a pair of arms wrapped around Naruto's upper chest.

"_Just let it happen." _Rang through his mind, but he didn't care what Anko was going to do for him, or to him, or... whatever. Naruto was far too emotionally drained after everything that's happened to him over the past few days.

Anko licked Naruto's ear as a chill ran down his spine. Her sultry voice was the only sound besides the small waterfall and the rushing of the stream."

"I considered letting you get some sleep tonight, but you looked so depressed when you went off into the forest. I can fix that for you, _Naru-chan."_

"Anko-senpai?"

"Yes, Naru-chan?"

"Could I be loved?"

Anko silently unwrapped her arms and sat down next to Naruto.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't know, I'm just overall… confused. For the longest time, I was on my own. Even with Iruka-sensei and Sandaime, they could only do so much for me. After I found friends, it was still difficult, I still had to prove myself to them so I didn't really have time to enjoy the experience… Why's everybody so interested in my friendship now, of all times? What's changed?"

"You know, we're a lot alike, you and I. I didn't have anyone after Orochimaru betrayed the village and left me to rot. I was the "Snake Bastard's Apprentice", no more, no less… at least until Tsunade took me in for a few years afterward… It's not your friendship that people want, Naruto. You're an abnormally attractive young man, and on top of that, you have qualities that are uncommon among most **_people_ **in general. All this attention stems from the fact that many have feelings for you. Whether they're genuine or not is for you to figure out."

"Then, where do you stand, Anko-senpai? What is it you want from me? Am I a game to you?"

Anko got an unreadable look on her face and stared at Naruto.

"Naruto, take off your clothes. Now."

Naruto… surprisingly did as he was told, he stripped down to his boxers. Anko moved in to kiss him, but Naruto was caught off guard when she lifted him off the ground and flipped him. In midair she yanked off his boxers and slung him through the night air and into the pond.

Naruto launched out of the water and landed back on the bank, where Anko was nowhere to be found.

"OI! What's the big idea?"

Out of the shadows, Anko zoomed along the ground and tackled Naruto, her trench coat and skirt were in a pile next to his clothes.

"Stop playing games with me! What do you want?"

Anko straddled Naruto and stared at him with that same unreadable expression. She slowly, and deliberately, took off her fishnet shirt and threw it in the pile of clothes.

Anko pressed her ample breasts into Naruto's shredded torso and started kissing him. Naruto's body was on autopilot at this point, he simply kissed back, it was heavy, warm, and wait, what's she doing now?

Anko leaned back and pulled Naruto on top of her, her panties somehow disappeared, but Naruto could care less where they... whoa.

Anko cooed in Naruto's ear as he lie on top of her.

"_Naru-chan. I want you to _**destroy**_ me."_

The Kyuubi gave of a roar full of blood lust and uh… lust. _**'YOU ARE **__**NOT**__** SCREWING THIS UP, KIT! SPLIT. HER. IN HAAAAAAALF!'**_

* * *

Jiraiya's eyes snapped open and he bolted out of his tent. He whipped his notepad and pencil out and zoomed through the trees in the direction his "pervert senses" pointed... that and he could feel the Kyuubi's chakra.

Mitsuki heard the running and the following rustling of trees, so she decided to confirm.

"Anko-san?"

No answer.

"Uzumaki-sama?"

No answer.

"Jiraiya-sama?"

Still, no answer.

Mitsuki laughed to herself and put her head back on her pillow. Anko was going to make Naruto a man that night, and it would be entertaining to see the changes when he comes out of that forest.

* * *

Anko's words rang in Naruto's ears over and over as he started to shake and glow red.

_Destroy me. _Naruto could feel the lust and aggression sweeping over him in waves.

'Dammit! What're you doing?!'

'_**It's been over 15 years since I've gotten any. I'm plugging in to your nervous system!'**_

Naruto tried to stop it, but he couldn't concentrate enough, and within two seconds, Naruto's rational thought centers were overrided by the blood lusted chakra.

For the first time in a while, Anko was genuinely scared for her life. She knew that Naruto was the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki, and it was glaringly obvious that he was losing control, but there was something really hot about the thought of it.

Anko wrapped her legs around Naruto's waist and held on for dear life, Naruto's red eyes were locked on hers, and she moaned when Naruto bit into the crook of her neck, she clawed bloody tracks into his back in response.

Naruto growled and peeled Anko's legs wide open. Anko stared at his member in anticipation, but he seemed like he was arguing with himself, so Anko decided to give him a little push. She smirked at Naruto and slammed her legs shut.

Naruto roared and yanked them open again, he immediately shoved his penis into Anko's opening. Anko gasped as she sat up and threw her arms around Naruto's neck. Naruto, or what was left of him slammed Anko into a nearby tree and started fucking her vigorously. Even though she was scared, Anko was loving every second of it, she'd never, in her life, been tossed around like this. It was nice to let someone else take the lead in the bedroom, or in this case, in the forest.

"_Narut- mph!" _Anko tried to call out his name, but Naruto started kissing her. She squeezed tighter as he pounded her into the bark. Naruto was the perfect size, neither too small, nor too big. He was big enough to stretch her out, but not to the point in which it was painful. Anko giggled and moaned as she felt his powerful body against her own. The fact that he could crush her right now was exhilarating, walking the line between life and death was part of Anko's being. Dancing with Death had never felt better. _"Come on Naru-chan! Is that all you got? Give it to me!" _Anko slapped Naruto in the face trying to evoke a response, Naruto growled in annoyance and let go of her as he held Anko to the tree with just his dick. The grinding sensation caught Anko off guard. _"Ah! God! How're you?- aaaah!"_

Naruto took hold of her again and started pumping faster and faster. "_Naru-chan! Slow down! I'm gonna- hugh!" _Anko started convulsing while her back was pinned to the tree, she could feel the bark digging into her shoulder blades. In this case however, there was an extremely thin line between pain and pleasure, so the sensation only enhanced her orgasm as she moaned and twitched against Naruto's abs.

Anko's convulsions became more and more powerful until she'd inadvertently knocked Naruto off of her, but as far as he was concerned, it wasn't over yet. Anko toppled over, but in less than a second, Naruto was on top of her again. Anko squeaked in delight as Naruto bashed her into the ground, he was humping her hard enough to make indentations in the soil. Naruto growled and grunted as he shoved his tongue in Anko's mouth. Anko was nearly four inches into the ground when she could feel an incredible shockwave of pleasure surge through her body.

"_Ah! Ooh! FASTER!" _Anko started to shake as she could feel another orgasm coming, this one even bigger than the last. Anko started squeezing Naruto into her.

"_More! Huh-harder!" _Naruto quickened his pace even more as he growled in her ear, he flipped Anko on her stomach and entered her vagina from above. Anko's eyes rolled into the back of her head as Naruto feverishly rammed into her g-spot, Anko's body began to feel as if it were going to explode

"_Ooh! Naru-chan! Right there, don't *guh* stop! DESTROY ME!" _Anko screamed as she exploded into a second orgasm, she began to thrash and shake underneath Naruto as he continued to drill Anko like there was no tomorrow.

Naruto instinctively drew more of the fox's chakra and boosted his strength so she couldn't throw him off this time. Naruto hoisted Anko off the ground and started fucking her while we was standing up. Anko was still convulsing from the last orgasm so she wrapped her legs and arms around Naruto.

Anko clawed Naruto some more and he roared in response as he continued to bounce her on his meat. _"Naru-chan, more!" _After several minutes, Naruto pinned Anko to the tree one last time, and for what felt like hours, Naruto visciously pumped into Anko.

Anko came again, this time, she screamed, louder than she'd ever done in her entire life, her limbs moved uncontrollably and her vision became hazy. After her third orgasm in a row, Anko began to pass in and out of consciousness; the sensation of Naruto's cock thrusting into her would snap her awake over and over again. Anko woke up once more and yanked Naruto into a rough kiss, he growled and she bit into his lip, just enough to draw blood. "_It's just as sweet as ever, Naru-chan."_

She could feel Naruto speed up, the added friction sent Anko into another orgasm. At this point, Anko couldn't even form coherent thoughts, her brain was overloaded, and once again she passed out. Naruto thrusted furiously until he finally released into her, the warm feeling of his seed woke Anko. She ignored the fact that the tree had given way at some point and toppled over. She squeaked as Naruto let go of her and she hit the ground.

* * *

Naruto fell on top of Anko and stared at her twitching and moaning form. Anko could see the aggression turn to fear as the red drained from his eyes.

"Anko-senpai! I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean t-!" Naruto cut himself of when he heard Anko giggle like a little girl, it was sort of disturbing.

Anko could barely speak as she was still having convulsions from her orgasms. "Oh my god, Naru-chan! That wa- ah… That w-was -gah dammit!- amazing."

Naruto panted. "It, felt good… About my question earlier."

Anko hopped up and tried to kiss Naruto, but she convulsed in mid jump and accidentally tackled him. Her coordination was failing her at the moment, but she just laughed it off.

Anko managed to get some more words out, even through her moaning and twitching. "Yeah… you -ahn!-destroyed me alright... I've been trying to show you that I'm physically attracted to you, but... I think you get it now. Truth-god!-... Truthfully, I don't have much time for a relationship with _any_ guy right now. However, -ah!- since you can do **that**, I will **make **time for you. We're sexually compatible, that's obvious enough, but I can't commit to you in any way unless I-damn!- understand where you are emotionally."

Naruto looked at Anko for a few seconds. "I don't quite know either. Anko-senpai-"

Anko flicked Naruto's nose. "Call me Anko-chan, you've earned it."

"Anko-chan, my heart's in too many places right now, I'm not sure if I'm ready to move on."

Anko kissed Naruto on the nose. "I'd ask, but I don't like to pry… I'll wait for you, little boy. If you ever need someone to talk to, _or_... to keep you warm at night, call _**me**_first."

Naruto jumped when Anko gave his dick a squeeze. She then leapt into the pond to wash herself off. As Naruto got up and left, Anko grimaced as she looked at his back, she whistled and tossed the bandages at him.

"Use those for your back… Sorry."

Naruto nodded and smiled as he slipped his clothes on and went back to his tent, he gave the chuckling Jiraiya an odd look. As soon as Naruto's head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

Jiraya was sitting at the camp fire, furiously scribbling in his note pad. Naruto's was a fuckin' gold mine, there was no one better, no one!

* * *

AN: Now that Naruto understands...stuff, we can get on with the more important things... like the fact that Orochimaru and Sasuke are located only a short trek away, or the fact that Sasuke's sick of foodpills. You know, important shit.

'Till Next Time.

~_Breath of the Wiz, Signin' Off._


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry about the loooong ass absence... But the Destiny Beta is incredible and the final release is gonna revolutionize the industry. But you're not here to listen to my thoughts on videogames right? Hope not! This is the chapter 12 Extended Cut, to make up for my relatively long break. Let's go!

* * *

"Oi, Naruto."

Kakashi was crouched above a snoring Naruto.

"Naruto-kun."

Still, Naruto seemed to be deeply engrossed in his dream. Kakshi groaned and slapped Naruto on the forehead, or so he thought. Naruto's ninja reflexes kicked in and he caught Kakashi's hand in a death grip, Kakshi half-heartedly tried to free himself from Naruto's grip. After several seconds, Kakashi sighed and gave Naruto a small electric shock… okay, more like a tazer shock, which was more than enough to wake him up.

Naruto jolted awake, the hundreds of volts coursing through his body caused his muscles to contract. Of course, Naruto let go of Kakashi's wrist, but he also leapt a hundred meters into the air, taking his tent with him. Naruto came down in a heap, the tarp wrapped around his body. Naruto pouted as he nursed a small bruise on his forehead.

"Oi! Kakashi-sensei! What was that about?"

"It's 9:00, Naruto. I let you sleep in, we have to get moving."

"Nani? Why'd you let me sleep in so late?"

"Well, I decided to let you rest, I'd assume that a night with Anko-san would be rather… taxing."

"How'd you know? I was too far away for you to-"

"She was smiling all morning and stealing glances at your tent, that, and you smell like each other today. I can put 2 and 2 together."

Naruto's ears twitched as he looked at Kakashi suspiciously. "Who else knows?"

"Everybody except Shikamaru… and he'll probably figure it out on his own. You know… Anko-san could really help you with your girl problems."

Naruto wistfully looked off into the sky. "Girl problems huh? … It's obvious to me now, you know? … The fact that this can only get worse before it gets better. I'm actually kinda… scared."

"You're a lot smarter than people give you credit for Naruto. I think you'll figure this out."

Naruto stood and shook the remains of his tent off his body, he was about to reply, but his stomach growled. Naruto grinned and scratched the back of his head.

"So uh, what about breakfast Kakashi-sensei?"

"Eat a foodpill."

Kakashi turned around and used a water jutsu to put out the campfire. As the hissing of the steam subsided, he looked over at Naruto, who was pouting.

Kakshi's half lidded eye rolled as he tried to appease the teenager. "If you're still hungry after we find leads, I'll treat you to whatever you want. Let's get going."

Naruto flipped over to Kakashi and exclaimed. "Alright, let's do this, dattebayo!"

Naruto and Kakashi disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

They reappeared in a back alley in the fishing village. Kakashi then transformed, out of the plume of smoke stepped a white-haired sailor with an eyepatch and a straw hat. Naruto looked at kakashi and thought for a second, his face lit up and he transformed into a female version of himself.

Sailor Kakashi stared at 'Naruko' for a second. "Really?"

Naruko pouted and transformed into Mitsuki in a plain dress and blouse. Kakashi frowned at Naruto.

"Mitsuki and Anko are too attractive to keep low profiles, what would they transform into Naruto?"

Naruto smiled and changed back into himself, except, he appeared as he did when he was a genin. Naruto then changed his headband to that of a Kiri Mist ninja's, and altered his hair, face, and ninja clothing enough so that he was unrecognizable.

"They'd be something scary or off-putting! Like ninja, or gangsters! The people in this village probably all know each other, but if we're mist ninja, they won't ask any questions."

"Exactly." Kakashi transformed into a masked Kiri Jonin, he lifted his headband to reveal his sharingan, and as the tomoe spun, the eye changed from red to black, to match his other.

"Hey, I thought you couldn't turn that off."

"I can't, It's genjutsu. I want to be able to pick out sound ninja if I have to."

* * *

Sasuke was walking down the street, not as himself of course, but as a merchant he saw a few years ago. Saying he didn't miss his previous life would be a total lie, Sasuke was tired of having to look over his shoulder day in and day out, be it for hunter-ninja or Orochimaru himself. Sasuke was well aware of what he was walking into when he left, but he had a mission to complete, and until then, he'd kill himself before Orochimaru stole his body.

Sasuke was jarred from his thoughts as two mist ninja brushed past him, the older of the two stared at him for a couple of seconds and raised his eyebrow as he left to catch up to his genin.

Sasuke, supremely suspicious, almost went for his sword, but Orochimaru would probably chew him out for causing a scene. Sasuke religiously kept his distance from the old snake for the past 2½ years unless he wanted to learn something, he wouldn't be changing his ways any time soon. Sasuke continued to stare at the retreating ninja in suspicion until he turned and continued his errand to buy some fish for the night. Sasuke now knew he'd be looking over his shoulder for three things instead of two, at least for the duration of Orochimaru's plan.

* * *

After walking for a few minutes Kakashi suddenly piped up. "Orochimaru's in this village."

"Eh? How do you know?"

"I just saw Sasuke."

Naruto turned and stopped Kakashi. "… Shouldn't we follow him!?"

Kakashi cracked his neck and looked down at the 'mist genin'. "I expected a more… impulsive reaction from you. So you understand that we can't risk a fight in the middle of the street?"

"I know! I'm just tired of this Sasuke business hanging over my head."

Kakashi looked at Naruto and patted him on the head. "You'll run into him when the time is right. For now, we're going to the red light district."

Naruto's eyes narrowed as he stared at his teacher. "Eh? Why?"

"If you want information, you work from the bottom up, so we start with the seedier areas of town."

Naruto looked up at his teacher. "Is this where you went when we were learning the tree climbing technique?

"Yup. I have a contact that may know something about an S-Class missing ninja staying in their village."

"How are we doing this?"

"You'll see."

"Whenever you say that, you make me do something I won't like."

"Like I said, you're a lot smarter than people give you credit for."

* * *

A man was running down the street, but accidentally cornered himself when he ducked into an alleyway. Mitsuki judo-flipped him into a wall before he had time to regret his decision to turn that way.

The man squeezed his head in fear. "Alright, I'll answer your questions! Just don't kill me!"

Anko and Mitsuki were disguised burly fishermen as they stared down at a pathetic looking shell of a man as he began to spill his guts. His name was Zori, a former swordsman for hire under the employ of the late Crime Boss, Gato. It was by sheer luck that he'd survived the uprising caused by Team Seven 3 years ago. Now, reduced to begging in the street, Zori had taken up work as a lackey for the new crook in town.

"I used to work for Gato! But when Zabuza killed him, another guy stepped in!

Mitsuki knelt down and patted the man on the head as she flatly threatened him.

"Now, I need you to tell us which types of crime this new man is involved with… otherwise…" Mitsuki looked back at Anko. "My associate here will take over, and I'll be stuck scraping you off of the walls, neither of us want that, correct?"

"What? Y-you both know what'll happen to me if I say anything! I can't tell you that!"

Anko grabbed Mitsuki's shoulder and gently moved in front of her as she released her henge.

Zori's eyes widened as he noticed the headband and… how hot this ninja chick was. "You're a leaf kunoichi! What the hell kinda business you got with him anyway?"

Anko gave Zori a good look at her cleavage through the fishnet shirt as she knealt down and straddled Zori's legs. He stopped questioning her immediately.

Anko took off her trench coat as she smirked down at Zori. "Lucky for you, I'm in a good mood today, so I don't feel like killing you right now. A good roll in the hay would make my day even better than it already is." Anko smirked at Zori while he stared back, his eyes full of lust and confusion.

Anko sliced open Zori's obi with a kunai and began to unbutton his shirt, but stopped halfway down.

"I'm on an important mission," Anko pointed to her headband. "But a little… fun on the job'd never hurt anybody. The only thing I need from you is this man's location… tell me so we can **fuck**."

"Really?"

Anko licked Zori's ear as she whispered in it. "Like rabbits in the spring." Anko could feel a bulge in the man's pants and smirked at him. "I don't think your friend downstairs wants to wait any longer, tell me what I want to know and we can both enjoy ourselves."

Zori's drug addled mind was already impairing his thinking, but now that the blood was rushing to the head _below_ his belt, his logical thought capabilities were essentially gone.

He finally caved and answered Anko. "Alright, his name is Hayamoto, he's a Yakuza Boss. Runs the drug trade, weapons smuggling, and human trafficking on the side. He owns the boat company over on the docks as a cover."

Anko smiled. "Thanks." Zori moved to take off Anko's fishnet shirt, and smirked as her breasts popped out… Anko pinned Zori to the wall, and the 'fun' began…

Meanwhile, the _**real**_ Anko had never moved from her spot at the entrance to the alleyway. She stared at Zori in confusion since he seemed to be talking to himself. The two kunoichi watched as Zori acted out his lewd fantasy with his imaginary partner.

Mitsuki looked on in disgust while Anko was caught somewhere between revulsion and riotous laughter as she heard Zori bark commands to no one in particular.

Zori started humping the air. "Bend over and lemme suck your elbows!"

Anko continued to laugh beneath her breath at the strange druggie.

Mitsuki turned to Anko and talked to her. "Wow Anko-senpai, I didn't notice you use a genjutsu."

Anko began to laugh more audibly. "…I... haven't used any genjutsu... Aren't you supposed to specialize in that area?"

Mistuki stared worriedly and the man while he humped the air. "Anko-senpai, are you sure he's sane enough to be reliable?"

"I'm not hanging around long enough to find out."

The two Kunoichi reactivated their disguises and exited the alley. They continued the conversation on the way to the docks.

Anko slapped her stomach in amusement. "There's no tellin' what kind of freaky shit that guy was into, come on, elbows?"

Mitsuki smirked. "Speaking of freaky things… how did it go with Uzumaki-sama last night?"

Anko lecherously chuckled to herself. "Simply put, when my _Naru-chan_ finally gets hitched… I'm going to be his mistress, whether he wants one or not."

"Strange, I never pegged Uzumaki-sama as the experienced type."

"Oh, he's not experienced at all, his uh… _enthusiasm_ made up for everything else. I haven't felt like this... ever. Good sex does incredible things for you..." Anko trailed off and smirked at Mitsuki. "You don't seem like you gotten any in a while, I'll allow you one turn with Naruto. You're way too uptight!"

Mitsuki rolled her eyes. "I'm his bodyguard. Kakashi-taichou gave me a valuable piece of advice a few years ago. It concerned dating where you work; he summed it up rather bluntly when he said "Don't shit where you eat, Mitsuki.""

Anko grinned. "Ooooh, did he shoot you down too?"

Mitsuki turned up her nose and walked faster.

"Well, that's a yes."Anko muttered to herself as she jogged to catch up with the green-eyed former ANBU.

Mitsuki broke the silence after about a minute. "Anko-senpai… why settle for mistress?"

Anko stopped and put her hands in her pockets.

* * *

"I can't believe you offered me as payment for that information!" Naruto pouted as they exited the red light district.

Kakshi eye smiled at his student. "Naruto, how many men can say that prostitutes will service them for free? Even then, she wasn't really a prostitute; she was the _Madam _of the entire red light district, not just one brothel. Kudos Naruto, Anko must have taught you a lot in one night."

"So I won't catch anything?"

"Not likely… Don't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself."

Naruto conceded Kakashi's point. "Fine, I won't play blind. For someone her age, she was pretty."

"That's a gross understatement. If she knew my father at some point, she _must_ be in her late fifties."

"You never really told us anything about yourself or your father since Team 7 was formed. Sakumo Hatake, right?"

"It's nothing worth mentioning."

Naruto pouted even more, but the fact that he was disguised as a young boy made him look all the more comical, so Kakashi just chuckled at him.

"Did you at least get some worthwhile information for selling me out as a stud? Like Orochimaru's location, or a decent place to eat?"

Kakashi patted Naruto on the head. "Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my promise, you can pick where we eat now. She gave me a list of all the unregistered buildings used for the drug trade and human trafficking. If Shikamaru can narrow this list down for us, we can probably find out where Orochimaru is hiding."

Naruto grinned. "So it was worth it!"

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. "Worth it? You came out of top either way… No pun intended. How much is a night with an extremely experienced woman worth? As an added bonus, she looks half her age, so you get the best of both worlds. Whoever said you can't have your cake _and eat it_?" Kakashi chuckled, he loved dirty puns.

Naruto began to gag. "What if she was faking her age?... Like Baa-chan." As he lead Kakashi into a ramen stand, the Copy Ninja looked puzzled. "I don't understand, Naruto."

Naruto shuddered, but the woes of his speculation disappeared when he pulled out a menu. This ramen stand had a bunch of flavors he'd never even heard of. "Nevermind! Let's eat!"

Kakashi peered into his wallet and sighed, he'd have to make a trip to the bank when they got back. Meanwhile, Naruto looked up at Kakashi from his menu. 'I wish he'd undo that henge so I could see his fa-.'

Naruto's thoughts were cut short when Kakashi pulled his mask down and made his order with the waitress. Naruto would have been excited, but the ridiculous facial hair obscured his teacher's face. His brain continued to rattle around due to the fact that since Kakashi was under henge, the visage in front of him likely wasn't even Kakashi's real face anyway.

Naruto's eye twitched in annoyance before he relayed his excessively long order to the gawking waitress.

* * *

Shikamaru was lazily staring at the clouds when Jiraiya appeared in a swirl of leaves.

"Oh, hey Jiraiya-sama. Report?"

"The Mizukage is willing to cooperate with us, she's also beefing up security in the village."

Shikamaru scratched his head in confusion. "She? I swear, they have a different Mizukage every week."

Blood started to stream from Jiraiya's nose. "This one's a real stunner! I think I'll base a character off of her! She'll-"

Shikamaru cut Jiraiya off. "Please, I don't want to know what kind of perverted fantasies run through your mind, Jiraiya-sama. What else happened."

Jiriaya's demeanor did a total 180 as he was suddenly rattling off his accomplishments. "My contacts gave me several leads and I pursued them. All of them except one lead to dead ends, has the name, 'Hayamoto' come up yet? He's got control of the drug trade, and has some 'off the books' real-estate going. I have copies of communications between Otogakure and this Hayamoto guy."

Shikamaru shrugged. "I don't know, but I scheduled a mandatory report-in just half an hour from now. You're early, so there's no need to feel alarmed yet."

Shikamaru jumped up and sauntered into the big tent. He sat down and funneled some chakra into the radio as he flipped it to the right frequency.

Shikamaru grabbed the mic and hit the talk button.

"If you can hear this, hit the all clear button."

Shikamaru looked at a panel on the receiver. Only two of the lights came on.

"Anko, Mitsuki. Respond."

Some static came in and the sounds of breaking glass could be heard in the background as Anko's voice came through. "Sorry! Can't talk right now! In a fight!"

Shikamaru hit the call button for Naruto and Kakashi. "Naruto, Kakashi. Can you move to support them?"

"Affirmative."

"Uh. Yeah!"

Right then, Mitsuki's voice came through. "We're fine, we've… procured some intel that you'd probably like to see."

Shikamaru hit Anko's call button. "You didn't make a mess did you?"

Anko's laughter blared on the radio. "You must not have read my file very well."

Shikamaru squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Troublesome. Will anyone notice it?"

The snake woman's grin was almost audible through the mic. "That's what Mitsuki's here for! She can make anything disappear."

Kakashi piped in on the closed channel. "You want us to report in early?"

Shikamaru took a sip from his canteen. "Jiraiya-sama's back, and he has leads. I'd like to run them against your findings."

"Awesome! I'm tired of sneaking around –dattebayo-!"

Shikamaru smirked. "Bad news, Uzumaki. You're not done yet." Shikamaru's quick thinking and reflexes lead him to flip the off switch on the radio. Knowing Naruto, he was probably yelling his frustrations over the radio. Shikamaru waited a few seconds and flipped the radio back on… there was silence, and then a string of unintelligibly loud ranting.

Naruto really had changed, he was sharp enough to wait for Shikamaru to turn the radio back on.

* * *

After reconvening, the team handed in their intel. Anko and Mitsuki went directly to Hayamoto and forced him to give them a copy of his business transactions and bank account records over the past week. Kakashi and Naruto got a manifest of all the unlisted buildings in the entire village with descriptions of their uses and their unofficial owners. Lastly, Jiraiya had gotten proof that it was Hayamoto who was dealing with Orochimaru.

Shikamaru dispersed the team to patrol the village for suspicious activity while he tried to piece together the clues.

With this information, Shikamaru was able to strike 75% of the buildings on Kakashi and Naruto's list. He then used the corresponding dates in Hayamoto's bank and business transactions to find when and where Orochimaru could have likely purchased a temporary hideout.

However, the final list of possible locations would not be completed until the next morning, leaving room for things to go awry.

Naruto was walking on a familiar forest path beneath the starlit sky. He looked up and smiled as a gust of wind brushed through his hair. Naruto could feel the waves of nostalgia as he passed through the very clearing where he met Haku. He saw the tree with the fist indentation and walked over to it.

He jumped up to the nearest branch he could see and plucked one of the fruits off of it. He stared in mild annoyance at the fruit, he took a bite and held it on his tongue.

It tasted like… fucking poverty. Naruto spat the disgustingly sour fruit out and realized how hungry he was at that very moment.

'_**You smell that, Kit?'**_

'_Yup, salmon. They must be cooking.'_

'_**Who?'**_

'_Tazuna's family. I'm gonna pay them a visit!'_

Naruto walked down the path and was about to turn to go to Tazuna's house, but he'd decided to pay Haku-chan a visit first since it was close by.

Naruto reached that all too familiar hill and walked past the spot where he would place the Hiraishin Kunai when before they went back to Konoha. He walked over to her grave and knelt down.

"Hey, Haku-chan. I'm here on a mission, just like last time, except the stakes are much higher. We're dealing with some seriously dangerous people and I wanted to visit you before things get serious tomorrow. A woman named Anko taught me a lot in just a short amount of time, she helped me see that I have a place somewhere in this world. When you died, I thought that my place in the world had disappeared; I thought you were the only one that could care about me as more than a friend."

Naruto looked out onto the water as it beautifully reflected the night sky.

"I still love Sakura, more than anything in the world, but I know that my place isn't at her side. The only thing I want, is for her to be happy, so if I run into Sasuke, I'm bringing him back to her. This damn promise is way more than I bargained for though. I don't care much for Sasuke anymore, but to see Sakura smile like she used to means more to me than she'll ever understand."

"Deep down, I want him back in her life, but my pride as an Uzumaki, a Namikaze, is telling me to forget about this whole thing. Do I maintain my pride as a human, or do I squash that in order to follow my nindo? What does it make me if I can't keep both? Am I to be a pitiful ninja, or a pathetic legacy?"

'_**Kit. The only one you have to prove anything to is yourself. The only thing that validates your existence is to come to terms with who and what you are. Nobody will think any less of you if you move on with your life.'**_

'_That's the dilemma, fox. I can't live with myself if I give up. Pride or Profession, which matters more?'_

'_**This isn't something you try to figure out in one day. Let the answer come to you, don't search for it. Searching for answers too early only leads to failure.'**_

'_Thanks. Maybe you do give a shit about me.'_

'…_**Sometimes.'**_

"I've stayed long enough Haku-chan. I'll see you lat-…"

'_Oi, something seems off about this patch of grass. It's not reflecting any light.'_

'_**I'm the last being you should consult on genjutsu if that's what you're asking me. Have the green-eyed female take a look at it before you leave.'**_

'_We'll deal with this later.'_

"See you later, Haku-chan. Love you."

Naruto approached Tazuna's house with a big grin on his face. The house had been expanded since he last visited. Naruto knocked on the door, and after a long pause, it opened.

It was Inari, he'd grown several inches taller, but the most striking thing about him was the Kirigakure headband on his forehead.

"Naruto?"

"In the flesh!"

Inari squeezed Naruto into a bear hug as he questioned the long absence.

Naruto grinned and scratched his head. "Sorry, I was traveling with my master and we spent most of our time in the wilderness. I didn't have any way to send messages or anything!"

Inari pulled Naruto through the door, it was surprising how strong the boy was for his size.

"I see you're a ninja now. Tazuna-ojii-san probably wasn't too happy about that."

Inari stopped pulling Naruto. "Meh, he got over it. I'm on vacation right now, so it's a coincidence all of you stopped through at the same time."

"All of us? Did Kakashi-sensei come through here?"

"No! Sasuke's here!"

"Waitwhat?"

Naruto slowly creeped into the dining room, and there he was, sitting at the table passing fish around like it was just another day.

Naruto's eye twitched as he waited for Sasuke, Tsunami, and Tazuna to notice him. Sasuke looked up after a couple of seconds and nearly choked on his food. The two adults moved to help him but he was able to swallow the salmon before they stood up.

Inari waltzed into the room. "Hey! Look who dropped by. It's Naruto."

Naruto began to laugh at Sasuke, who's unreadable expression was completely priceless. Sasuke continued to chew his food in mild disgust.

Naruto cracked his knuckles and bared his fangs as his eyes went red. "Looks like I caught you with your pants down. How've ya been teme?"

Sasuke's Sharingan spun into view as he stared Naruto down, that all to familiar tone, laden with sarcasm was almost nostalgic.

"I've been fine, _dobe_. _Would you like something to eat_?"

* * *

Aaaaannnd, shit just got real.

Can Naruto and Sasuke sit down and have a civilized meal before they beat the shit of each other, or will they get right into it and trash Tazuna's house?

...Seriously, this should have happened in the show. Chapter 13 will be out within a week, I promise.

_Until next time!_

_~ Breath of the Wiz_


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Whew, this fight took me longer than I expected, so I'll have to extend this arc an extra chapter. I also intend to give Kakashi a _**minor**_ power boost cuz Kishi's never done a really good job of establishing exactly how strong the Copy Cat Ninja really is. He should be a Kage-tier shinobi in my opinion, or at least _slightly_ below that.

* * *

Anko sat in camp, thinking about Mitsuki's question. _'Why settle for mistress?'_ She let her back fall on the grass and stared up at the stars as she thought to herself.

'Naruto Uzumaki… mistress…'

"Oi, Kakashi."

Kakashi strolled over to Anko and sat down. "Yo."

"I need advice."

"About Naruto?"

"Yeah…"

"...Just go for it. Age is just a number."

Anko scoffed at the obvious advice. "I know that! I just,,, don't know exactly _what _our age difference will mean for a future with him. I'm not getting any younger, I'm almost 27. That's why I'm kinda… scared."

Kakashi stood up and answered as he too stared up at the sky. "Just throw caution to the wind, if it's meant to be, it'll happen. He's mature when it counts, so I wouldn't worry about a long term relationship with him. Is your biological clock ticking or something?"

Anko punched Kakashi in the shoulder and took a deep breath as she pondered his advice. Anko turned her head and stared at Mitsuki. The Snake Mistress' intuition was going off like a fire alarm as she stared at the woman's wavy black hair, her neon green eyes seemed to be glowing in the dark.

'_My gut tells me she'll be a serious obstacle at some point. The way she looks at Naruto doesn't line up with what she says.'_

Mitsuki eventually caught Anko staring at her and smiled, Anko motioned for Mitsuki to come toward her. Anko blinked and suddenly Mitsuki was sitting next to her. Anko shook her head and gave Mitsuki a wierd look.

Mitsuki shrugged. "Sorry, it's a habit."

"Give me your honest opinion Mitsuki-chan. If you were to be in a relationship with Naruto, what factor would your age have in it?"

Mitsuki pulled some grass and let if fly into the wind, she paused, and then vocalized her opinion.

"I don't think it would affect us too much, I'm only 21."

Anko coughed. "21?! I swear, I thought you were older than me."

Mitsuki began to laugh. "I thought you were younger than me! 18 or something!"

Anko gave a Naruto-esque grin. "Heh! I'm 26."

Mitsuki scratched her head in defeat. "I guess that means you'll age well." Mitsuki raised her eyebrow at Anko. "I wonder what that means for me. Do really I look that old to you?"

Anko put her hands behind her head and and plopped back down on the grass. "Relax, you don't look old, it's the way you carry yourself… I wanted to ask you what you meant by your question earlier."

Mitsuki stretched and yawned. "It's not only my job to make sure Uzumaki-sama is safe, but also that he is happy. I think you'd be good for him, so that's why I asked you."

Anko closed her eyes and smirked '_gotcha!'._ "What if the only way to make him happy is for _you_ to be with him?"

There was silence where there should have been an answer. Anko's expression became inquisitive as she opened her eyes and turned to Mitsuki. The green-eyed kunoichi was staring up at the stars rather solemnly. Anko got just the answer she expected.

"I… I couldn't do it."

Anko turned back to the night sky. "Why not, Mitsuki-chan?"

"My family has served Nam- Uzumaki-sama's for generations, it wouldn't be right for someone of my creed to become part of his family."

"Who exactly is Naruto anyway? I thought he was an orphan."

Mitsuki turned to Anko with a serious look. "Its one of those things he has to explain himself, that and I'd be executed if I told you."

"Fine. Back to my question, what's so wrong about dating someone above your class? Would you feel more regret if you married him or let him slip through your fingers?"

Mitsuki began to refute Anko, but cut herself off. Anko smirked and followed up on her question.

"Don't tell me you don't like him. I see the way you look at him, it's the same way I used to look at Kakashi and Asuma, but their hearts were elsewhere at the time… Is that it? Are you afraid his heart's off limits to you?"

Mitsuki looked down at the grass in deep thought and sighed.

"I don't know. I _really_ don't know. I'd rather not ruin my relationship with Uzumaki-sama in the long run if such an attempt does if fact, go bad."

Because she was in deep thought, Mitsuki missed Anko's psychotic smirk as she had walked herself directly into the Snake-woman's trap.

Anko was inwardly cackling to herself as she calmly spoke to Mitsuki. "I want him for myself. Promise me you'll respect the fact I'll be pursuing him."

Mitsuki smirked at Anko. "What about the 'test drive' you allowed me?"Anko frowned and Mistuki laughed. "I'm joking! You'll be great for each other."

Mitsuki stood and bowed to Anko. "I'll respect your space should he choose you, but if you hurt him..." Mistuki trailed off and went back to the campfire.

Anko flipped her hair in triumph as she began formulating a plan to remove that Ino girl from her competition. _'One down, a thousand to go.'_

* * *

(Please, follow the link to enhance the mental image while you read. You won't regret it. /watch?v=2qVMJrMiV4U it's a youtube link for those of you who don't recognize it. )

Naruto and Sasuke's red eyes were locked onto each other's. Naruto's eye started twitching as he and Sasuke mirrored each other from across the room. Their heads tilted in unison as Inari tried to figure out what was wrong with them.

Tsunami looked back and forth between the two boys in anxiety. "You boys haven't seen each other in a while I'd assume?"

Naruto and Sasuke silently shook their heads while their eyes were still locked.

"Have a seat Naruto-kun. There's plenty for you too, I know how much you two can eat, you two won't clean us out this time!"

Naruto took a deep breath and his eyes reverted to their original blue. Inari sat down at the table too, leaving the remaining empty seat the one adjacent to… ugh Sasuke. Naruto gagged a bit before he pouted around to the other side of the table.

Sasuke gave a muffled 'Fuck' as Naruto sat down next to him, _very slowly_, to the point of it being awkward. Tazuna began to give a hearty laugh two boys were giving each other the stink-eye.

"Heh, you two brats are probably fighting over some girl! It's Sakura isn't it?"

Sasuke began to choke on his fish again as Naruto stared ahead like a deer in the headlights. "I… guess you could say that."

**_'That is disturbingly accurate on several levels.'_**

_'Shut up.'_

Sasuke awkwardly passed Naruto the plate of fish as they stared at each other in disgust.

"Arigat- *gag* Arigato… Sasuke."

"Hn. –cough-"

Naruto stared down at the food. "So… did you poison this?"

Sasuke menacingly swiveled his eyes toward Naruto. "In retrospect… maybe that wouldn't have been such a bad idea."

Inari looked worried. "So, you two are _still_ fighting over that Sakura girl? Things haven't changed much at all!"

Naruto ate some fish. "Well, Sasuke-teme cut her off and broke her heart. Now she's all weird and stuff."

Sasuke looked up and turned his head to Naruto. "That's just slander, Dobe. You and I both know that's _not_ how things went down."

"No, Sasuke, I _don't _know. What's up with your sudden… _EXTENDED VACATION?_"

Sasuke's sharigan eyes spun in annoyance. "I wanted to see the world, _broaden _my horizons."

Naruto bared his fans as his eyes turned red again. "I see you've picked up snake-charming in your travels."

* * *

_**'Seems like he "broadened" his asshole for that Snake-faggot too.'**_

_'That was rude and uncalled for... even for you!'_

**_'I'm sorry, but did you just ask a demon to be politically-correct?'_**

_'...No.'_

**_'Didn't think so. I'll say what I want.'_**

* * *

Sasuke aggressively chomped down on his fish. "_And you obviously haven't learned shit."_

Naruto's grin had a sadistic tint to it. "I don't consider selling my body for tutoring sessions a skill worth learning. You also need some practice with staying on task, I think you've forgotten what you were _supposed _to be doing!" Naruto again mirrored Sasuke and took an even bigger bite of Salmon.

Sasuke decided to one-up Naruto and eat a whole fish, Naruto, not to be outdone by Sasuke shoveled the whole plate of rice into his mouth. Sasuke grunted in annoyance and stuffed all of the fish into his mouth, Naruto replied by pouring the _entire _pot of soup down his throat.

Tsunami and Tazuna looked on in confusion as the two boys inhaled all of the food on the table. Inari tried in vain to grab scraps as Naruto and Sasuke's hands flashed over the dinner table, he eventually gave up and left to go grab something in town.

Naruto's features became more feral as he roared at Sasuke. "THAT'S IT! YOU, ME, OUTSIDE, NOW!"

"Gladly!" Sasuke yelled and grabbed his sword from a corner of the room and the two boys stomped out the door.

Tazuna looked back and forth between the table and the open door. "THE FUCK AM I GONNA EAT?"

* * *

Jiraiya's hair stood on end as he felt a sharp spike in the Kyuubi's chakra, the feeling disappeared a few seconds later as Jiraiya felt his hearbeat speed up.

Jiriaya asked. "Shikamaru-kun, has Naruto come back from patrol yet?"

"Nah, I haven't seen him for a while… Kakashi-san, could you look for Naruto?"

"-huff-...Yeah." The silver-haired man disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke were facing each other, 20 feet apart.

"Why must you go to such lengths to bring me back to the village?"

"I'm not doing this for you, teme."

They simultaneously drew their swords, Sasuke took a defensive stance while Naruto just stood there. Naruto lowered his center of gravity and charged Sasuke, who would have seen this if his sharingan were activated.

As far as Sasuke could tell, Naruto was instantly in his face, about to sever his left arm with an orange ninjato.

Sasuke fell backward and kicked Naruto high into the air as he activated his Sharingan.

"Looks like you've gotten faster, Dobe!"

Sasuke jumped up to follow up on his attack with a slash across Naruto's Stomach, but Naruto flexed at the last second and the blade bounced off his skin. Sasuke's eyes widened in confusion as Naruto grabbed Sasuke's sword arm and attempted to slam him into the ground as they fell.

Sasuke was unable to break Naruto's Iron grip so he zapped Naruto with some electricity and Naruto let go. They landed on their feet a decent distance away, so Sasuke began flashing through handsigns. **"Gokakyuu No Jutsu!"**

Naruto growled as he began to glow red and charged the monstrous fireball. There was a thunderous explosion, and out of the smoke, flew Naruto no worse for wear. He continued on his course toward a smirking Sasuke.

Naruto aimed a punch at Sasuke's head, but Sasuke caught his fist and used the Jinchuuriki's momentum against him. Sasuke grabbed Naruto's arm and slammed him into the ground as he ran lighting chakra through his sword.

Sasuke attempted to stab Naruto through the stomach again, but Naruto blocked the attack with the broad side of his sword, which then seemed to vibrate. Suddenly, Naruto's blade glowed orange and sucked the lightning chakra out of Sasuke's blade.

Sasuke did a backflip as Naruto jumped up, but before Naruto could charge Sasuke again he noticed the explosive tag at his feet. Naruto laughed to himself as the explosion rocked the forest clearing.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the dust cloud as he waited for a diversionary attack to come from the smoke. Just as he thought, a Fuma Shuriken came screaming out of the cloud. Sasuke dodged the shuriken and readied two kunai.

The Fuma Shuriken and it's shadow dispelled into Naruto's shadow clones, poised to riddle Sasuke with Kunai. Sasuke didn't even look behind him as he hit both Narutos between the eyes with his two kunai.

Sasuke took a small hop backward as Naruto rocketed out of the ground where Sasuke's feet used to be. Sasuke bounced forward again and delivered a savagely powerful roundhouse kick to Naruto's stomach. Sasuke watched Naruto bounce until he flipped in midair and landed on his feet. Naruto skidded, and smiled at Sasuke as he dispelled. Sasuke's eyes widened as he began looking around for Naruto. Sasuke's ears twitched, and at the last second, he spun around to lock blades with the real Naruto, who came up behind the first clone after Sasuke stopped paying attention to the hole in the ground.

Sasuke realized that Naruto was overpowering him in the blade-lock, so Sasuke suddenly spun around behind Naruto, which threw him off balance. Sasuke kicked Naruto's feet out from under him and then he attempted to vivisect Naruto from back to stomach while he was parallel to the ground.

Naruto tucked his knees and flipped out of the way of the sword. He landed on his feet and did a 360 degree spin as he stuffed all of his strength and momentum into the swing of his sword.

The sword made a screaming sound as it sliced throught the air. Sasuke's eyes zeroed in on the incoming sword as he blocked it, but Sasuke didn't have time to brace, so the kinetic energy sent Sasuke flying toward a tree. Sasuke recovered in the air and landed on the tree. He sword was still ringing with the vibration and his right arm was feeling numb. Sasuke glared at Naruto and Charged a chidori in his left hand.

Naruto's fangs and whisker marks became more pronounced as a neon red Rasengan began to form in Naruto's off-hand.

They tore through the air, and their attacks met. There was a bright explosion of red chakra and blue lightning as they were both blown back. Naruto's red Rasengan was the more powerful of the two attacks, so he experienced less recoil than Sasuke, who was slammed into the very tree he jumped from.

Sasuke landed on his feet and stood up tall. He sheathed his sword and charged a chidori in each hand as lightning began to splay out from his entire body. Naruto readied his orange Ninjato. The eyes of the fox-headed crossguard began to glow red in reaction to the lightning chakra.

Sasuke charged Naruto this time and began rapidly swinging his glowing fists. Sasuke was too precise to leave an opening for Naruto to counter attack, so Naruto hopped backward to avoid Sasuke's straight punch and gain some distance so he could use a wind justu.

Naruto's sharp eyes caught Sasuke's smirk and he became worried. Naruto was in midair, so Sasuke pointed the finger on his already extended fist, and the chidori began stretching to peirce Naruto through the heart.

Things were moving in slow motion for Naruto as he spun 90 degrees to his left in order to dodge the chidori blade. Sasuke then extended the chidori in his other hand and swung it at Naruto's back. Naruto positioned his sword so that it would absorb the incoming blade.

Sasuke was about to pinch his fingers together so that Naruto couldn't escape, but he noticed Naruto sling a kunai at him. Sasuke cocked his head to the side to dodge the knife. As it zoomed past his head, he noticed the esplosive tag attached to it.

Sasuke's concentration broke, and along with it, his chidori fizzled out as he tried to get some distance from the flying knife.

Naruto slid on his shoulder and did a misty flip so that he had his back to Sasuke. He then began sprinting for his life.

Things were happening in slow motion for Sasuke as the tag glowed white.

Naruto felt and heard the explosion behind him, the shockwave blew him forward and he was nearly slammed into a tree. Naruto dusted his haori off and waited for the smoke and dust to clear. The crater from the explosion looked like pac-man, with Sasuke crouching where the top and bottom jaws would meet.

The ground in front of Sasuke was completely unharmed. Sasuke's shirt was ripped on the left side, and a familiar wing was sticking out of his left shoulder blade. Sasuke's curse seal extended and he completed the transformation.

Naruto frowned and glowed red as his features became more feral. Sasuke looked up at the greying sky and flashed through a few hand signs and raised his hand to the sky.

Dark clouds began to swirl above Sasuke as Naruto took a defensive stance and pulled out two strange looking kunai.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Sorry, but I can't afford to waste any more time on you. You're stronger than I expected, I don't think I can beat you without this."

Naruto smiled. "You're not as weak as you used to be either, Teme."

Naruto looked up in suspicion as lightning began to violently crackle above Sasuke.

A dragon composed of lightning appeared above Sasuke and glared at Naruto. It then disappeared into the clouds. "Begone with the roar of the thunder. **Kirin!**"

Naruto put all the cues together in his head. _'He didn't… how's that even possible? No, no way.'_

'_**Don't think! FUCKING RUN!'**_

The very instant Naruto began sprinting, he'd felt like he was hit in the head by a sledgehammer as his body seized up. He saw the ground rapidly approach his face, but he couldn't feel the impact of his body hitting the ground.

Naruto couldn't move as his muscles fought him every second of the way. His vision slowly went greyscale, and then black, as his heart stopped.

* * *

Sasuke looked at Naruto's twitching body, still discharging traces of the massive voltage within his body. The curse seal deactivated as Sasuke had exhausted its' store of chakra for the day.

Sasuke began to walk away, but he whirled around in when he heard Naruto frantically inhale. He stared, in horror as Naruto slowly got up and shook his Haori.

A bunch of glowing blue tags fell out of the overcoat as Naruto began to laugh.

Naruto grinned as he scratched the back of his head. "I'll be quick enough to dodge that one next time! I guess I lucked out on that one!"

"What the? What ARE YOU?!" Sasuke drew his sword in fear as he watched the burns on Naruto's body close before his eyes.

Naruto's grin got even bigger. "You showed me yours, now I'll show you mine."

Sasuke took a defensive stance. "This isn't the time for your stupid innuendos!"

Naruto reared back and launched one of his 'strange' kunai directly at Sasuke's chest. The kunai was moving to fast to dodge, so Sasuke caught it. In a flash of yellow light, Naruto was crouched on Sasuke's shoulder. Sasuke's sharingan didn't even register the movement. How the hell was Naruto standing on his shoulder? Nobody's that fast.

Naruto slapped Sasuke on the back of the head and back-flipped off the Uchiha's shoulder. "You're not wearing your headband, teme."

Naruto reached into his hip pouch and tossed a headband with a scratch on it to Sasuke. "Do you not recognize me as an equal, teme?"

Sasuke caught it and smirked at it. "I guess I have to acknowledge you now." Sasuke tied the scratched headband around his head and pointed Naruto's Kunai at him.

"It's time for round 2!" ... or what would have been round two. The contents of Naruto and Sasuke's stomachs emptied themselves onto the grass.

* * *

_**'Fucking morons.'**_

_'Oh god. It won't stop coming out.'_

* * *

_After the two boys were done vomiting... oh wait they're not done yet._

_~~~~ 5 minutes later._

* * *

Naruto wiped his mouth and huffed, he rocketed past Sasuke. Sasuke turned, tracking the blonde's movements and saw that Naruto's back was facing him. The Uchiha shifted his weight to charge Naruto, but in a yellow flash, Naruto was gripping Sasuke's wrist with the Hiraishin kunai in it.

"That's mine." Naruto snatched the Kunai from Sasuke and began attacking, much like Asuma with his trench knives.

Sasuke was reading Naruto's moves just fine, but he couldn't figure out how he was using the Hiraishin, a technique thought to have died with the 4th Hokage.

Naruto slashed at Sasuke with his right kunai and Sasuke dodged it. There was another yellow flash and somehow, Naruto's left kunai had grazed Sasuke's jugular, Sasuke had barely dodged it.

Sasuke jumped back. "I thought you wanted to bring me back to Konoha."

Naruto's eyes flashed red as he roared at Sasuke. "I NEVER PROMISED HER I'D BRING YOU BACK ALIVE!"

Naruto shook his head and his eyes went blue again. "What the… damn. I'm losing control, I need to end this now."

Sasuke glared and he and Naruto charged, once again, Naruto's body instantly rotated 180 degrees with a yellow flash, and his right arm would be where his left arm previously was.

'_Those kunai are some kind of teleportation medium. I need to break one of them.'_

Naruto charged Sasuke and tried the same trick, but this time, Sasuke was ready. He was watching Naruto's back hand this time, and he was able to calculate where it would be if he were to rotate 180 degrees.

The instant Naruto used Hiraishin, Sasuke ran lightning chakra through his sword and parried Naruto's kunai. It sliced the Kunai in half, rendering it useless. Naruto backflipped away and put the remaining Kunai away as he drew his sword once more.

"You really are a genius, Sasuke-teme."

"And you're full of surprises, Dead-last."

They were about to clash swords when a familiar pair of hands grabbed their wrists and launched them into trees on opposite ends of the clearing.

Naruto and Sasuke nostalgically dislodged their swords from their respective trees and turned to see Kakashi standing there.

"Oi, Kakashi-sensei! This is my fight!"

Kakashi's visible eye was eerily calm. "We don't have _time _for this. If you want to fight all out, set up a playdate."

Sasuke attempted to sneak away, but another Kakashi shot out of the ground and roundhouse kicked Sasuke into the air. Sasuke skidded to a halt in front of Kakashi, who yanked the Uchiha up by the wrist.

"Let go of me Kakashi! I'm not going back!"

"I know... Sasuke, I can smell the ozone, you were trying to kill Naruto. If I say anything about this to the Hokage, she'll put you in the bingo books and add "dead or alive" to your bounty listing."

Sasuke scoffed. "Do as you wish! I've a purpose to fulfill, and until then, nothing else matters!"

Kakashi sighed and Judo slammed Sasuke into the ground. He pinned his knee against Sasuke's neck and spoke very quietly.

"I sincerely regret having taught you to use the chidori. I'll let you go this time in honor of the time you spent as my apprentice. Now get out of here before I kill you myself."

Kakashi stood up and allowed Sasuke to limp away, Naruto attempted to dart past Kakashi to get to Sasuke. Kakashi caught Naruto by the collar of his haori and held him off the ground.

"But he's right there Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi thumped Naruto over the head. "Those aren't the techniques you use on comrades, Naruto-kun. What would Sakura say if you brought Sasuke home in a body-bag?"

Naruto hung his head and allowed Kakashi to continue.

"Let him come home of his own volition. Trying to force it will make him resent you even more. You need to get some sleep, Shikamaru has a plan, and from what I've seen, I think you'll be useful in its' execution."

Naruto bashfully scratched the back of his head and chuckled. "Exactly how much did you see?"

"Enough... didn't I teach you what happens when you fight on a full stomach?"

Naruto glared up at Kakashi. "No."

"Well, from what I saw, you at least learned _something_ from me. Are you _sure_ you don't want to be promoted to _Jonin_? I can vouch for you."

"Not until Sasuke comes back."

Kakashi looked into the forest. "That may be a while."

Naruto punched his palm and it made a thunderous boom. "… That's why I'm dragging him back to Konoha ASAP 'ttebayo! I'm tired of being a genin!"

"That's the spirit." Kakashi patted Naruto on the head and they disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

Orochimaru peered into his crystal ball and smirked as he replayed Naruto's fight with Sasuke. _"Kukukuku. Interesting."_

* * *

AN: Whew. I love writing fight scenes, but they take a lot out of me. I have a SUPER MEGA AWESOME SURPRISE FIGHT planned for the finale of this arc, it's something that they should have put in the show/manga, but it would have required Naruto and Sasuke be of equal power in the early episodes (Kishi wasted a great opportunity). If you figure out what it is, write a review. If you're correct, you get a cookie (an air flavored one).

~_Breath of the Wiz, Signin' Off._


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